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He crossed his thick arms over his chest as he waited for me to carry on.
‘I’ve decided to start volunteering at the hospice.’
‘You’ve decided?’
‘Yes.’
‘Without so much as discussing it.’
‘I thought as you weren’t much of a talker, you definitely wouldn’t be up for a discussion.’
‘Serafina.’ He hissed my name through his teeth in warning.
‘I can’t sit here waiting for you to come home every day.’
‘You used to. It was enough for you before,’ he stated.
‘Yes, it was.’ I nodded at him. ‘But my life has changed. We’ve grown up. You have more responsibility to our family; our community… and I want to play my part, too.’
‘Being my wife isyourpart.’
‘It’s not enough.’ My heart started to beat frantically as panic took hold of me.
‘Being my wife isn’t enough?’ Unusually, he didn’t conceal the hurt in his voice.
‘I didn’t mean it like you’re thinking. I’m loving being back here. I belong with you, but I need to do something to help others. It’s my vocation, it’s what I spent years training to do.’ My thoughts went to Salvatore’s grandfather, and I felt my cheeks heat up. I calmed myself, remembering that I wasn’t exactly lying.
‘Here you’re safe.’ He voiced his fear again.
And here we were again. I imagined I could put money on the fact his nightmare had been about when he’d lost his mama.
‘I can take Aldo and any other bodyguards you think necessary… please, Salvatore.’
‘Don’t push me!’ All at once he was pacing around the room as he tried to process what I was asking.
I stood suddenly as fear gripped me. We’d only been back together for a week. I knew that this should have at least been a honeymoon period for the two of us. If we had led a different life, it probably would have been. But already, I knew I was going to have to force him further than he was willing to go. I wasn’t scared of him, but I feared losing him, of losing us.
‘Don’t you see, Salvatore. I must push you… I’m here with you. We share each other’s life… but you won’t let me in to what you’re thinking… not really,’ I added.
‘I let you in further than anyone has ever been.’ He spun around to face me.
‘But it’s not nearly far enough.’ I shook my head gently at him as my body involuntarily started to shiver.
‘It’s all I can give.’ His chin dipped to his chest in resignation of what he’d admitted.
‘It’s not enough.’ I swallowed down the pain that was fast rising inside me. I knew I was playing my hand to force him to open up to me, but what I was feeling inside… that it all might backfire in my face, was very real. Too real.
‘You told me the day after I arrived back that we were in this together. That we may have been apart for years, but you felt me… you understood me. I feel you too, Salvatore. The heart has its own memories and mine are all of you.’ I placed an open hand gently over my heart that I was certain was beating frantically in a bid to try to break out of my chest. ‘I feel the pain you’re in. Help me to understand why, help me to help you.’
For a few seconds. we stared at each other.
‘I need to go for a run, little bird.’ I watched as he dropped his arms to his sides in resignation and then as he begun to open and close his fists, as he fought to maintain control of himself.
‘I understand. Go for the run you need. I’ll make breakfast and then we can talk.’
I watched the door close behind him, knowing I had to let him go for now.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
