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“Awesome. I really appreciate it, because I wasn’t joking when I said I’m really basic when it comes to cooking. I just generally don’t do it. When I got here, I read a bunch of recipe blogs just to remember the basics and get ideas for something other than frozen dinners.”
“Well, I don’t mind helping. It’s part of the deal, right?”
Michael tilted his head to the side. “The rent and work deal? You don’t owe us cooking at all, Josiah. I asked Dad what he usually rents the trailer for, and you’ll still be getting a good paycheck from us every week. We absolutely appreciate the food and cooking, but it’s never been a requirement of you staying here.”
Josiah nodded, grateful for the reassurance while also not completely trusting it. He wasn’t used to generosity without conditions, and that wouldn’t change for a long damned time. “Thank you. You and your father have been very generous this past week. You agreed to hire a daytime nurse, not all this extra drama.”
“Everyone deserves a safe place to land. Come on, I’ll walk you to your trailer.” A statement, not a question. Michael was going with him to the trailer. They’d be alone.
With a new flash of fear locking his jaw tight, all Josiah could do was nod and walk out of the house. He barely waved good-night to Elmer. His brain was full of what would happen when he and Michael were alone inside the trailer. Of so many times when Josiah wanted to say no and he couldn’t, because he didn’t have any power in the relationship. When saying yes meant one more night in a warm bed under a roof, instead of cold on the street.
By the time Josiah unlocked the trailer’s door, his entire body had slight tremors running through it. He went directly inside, then wasn’t sure what to do next. He knew the script with Seamus, but Michael was a new quantity. Josiah stopped in the middle of the small kitchen area and waited to be told what to do. Where to go. It took him a long time to realize that he was alone inside the trailer.
Michael stood on the outside steps, frowning now, but not angry, with the closed trailer door between them. “Have a good night?” Michael asked, voice muffled.
“I’m sorry. I think I’m out of practice at being a good host.” Even though he preferred Michael outside, he pushed the door open. “Come in, if you want.”
Each step Michael took inside the trailer made Josiah’s insides clench tighter, and he kept taking steps backward. Michael seemed to notice and stopped by the stove. “I genuinely want to make sure you’re okay with the trailer. I mean, a fifth wheel is a big step down from a room in a nice house with a full-size kitchen and bathroom. And it was a last-minute option.”
“The trailer is great.” Was this the moment when he offered up something for Michael’s generosity? When he bent over or went to his knees? Michael’s signals were so off that he truly wasn’t sure. “Do you want me to thank you now or, um, later?”
Michael’s eyebrows furrowed. “You’ve said thank you more than once. I might have hit my own rough patch recently but I have also been blessed in many ways, so I’m cool with helping when I can. And Dad trusts you, which is great after that whole thing with Hugo, his stepbrother and the missing coins.”
“I would never steal from a client. That’s not why I became a nurse.”
“I believe you. Just saying where we’re coming from.” Michael took a long look around the living area of the trailer. “This place could really use a fresh coat of paint or something, huh?”
“I can do that.”
“Dude, I wasn’t asking you to do manual labor on our property, just musing out loud. Are you sure you’re okay? You’ve been kind of tense since brunch.”
“I’m just used to routines and, uh, things have really been shaken up since yesterday.” Josiah swallowed hard against a rise of acid in his stomach, desperate to get this over with. “I need you to tell me what to do next. Should we go in the bedroom?”
“The bedroom? Why, is something broken we need to get fixed?”
“What?”
“What what? What’s wrong with the bedroom? I mean, you’re the tenant and I’m the landlord, so if something is broken I’ll fix it.”
Josiah stared at Michael, buried under the entire conversation, and he didn’t know how to dig his way out except to be honest. “If you want sex, Michael, just say so and we’ll do it. I can’t take this roundabout thing you’re doing. I need people to be direct. It’s how I’ve survived most of my life.”
Michael’s face went slack and he gaped at Josiah for a long time, his jaw working, but no words came out. Then he took several long strides backward until he hit a wall and couldn’t go any farther. “What the fuck? I don’t want sex from you. Not a single thing since I hired you to take care of Dad has been about sex, and that includes renting you this trailer.” His eyes narrowed. “But that was obviously your arrangement with McBride. Sex for a place to stay?”
The wordyesstuck in the back of Josiah’s throat. He stared at the floor instead of saying anything, his peripheral vision still on Michael just in case. Small stains in the carpet came into sharp focus as he waited for Michael’s condemnation or ridicule.
“I’m not judging you,” Michael said. “I do not have any pedestal from which to judge another person’s life choices. I just need to know you hear me right now. Josiah?”
Despite Michael’s words, Josiah couldn’t bring himself to look Michael in the eyes, his embarrassment too damned strong. He did look up as high as Michael’s throat, positive his face was going to burst into flames any second. “I hear you.”
“Good. Thank you. And since you’re listening, I am saying now that I will never, ever ask for sex from you in exchange for anything. I’m gay and very open about that, but that’s where it stops for me. I get with guys who are interested in me. Or at least who say they are.”
That last sentence got more of Josiah’s attention, and his mind flashed to a brief mention of someone named Kenny.
“You are an employee and a tenant,” Michael continued firmly. “Not a commodity. And when I say this I mean it—if you ever have issues with Sheriff McBride again, come to me. I’ll help you. Do you believe me?”
“I want to.” He’d meant to just say yes, so they could end this humiliating conversation but something about Michael made Josiah want to always be honest. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize. I gotta say after this conversation I’m even more glad you’re here now instead of back at McBride’s place.”
