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Cassie gasps from beside me, her hand shooting up to cover her mouth.Fuck.
Jax shakes his head, blowing out a frustrated breath. When he speaks, he drops his voice, careful that she doesn’t hear him. His eyes narrow in on me.
“Grow up. Do you think I like it? What about Royal or Luck, do you think it’s easy for them? You think it doesn’t tear me up inside that she possibly has feelings for him? Because it does! It fucking kills me. Guts me from the inside out every time I let myself think about it.”
If that’s how he really feels then how can he be asking me to move on? My whole life has been blown up, and the girl I love slept with the man who raised me.
“But you know what hurts worse than the thoughts of her with him?” he cocks his head to the side, his gray eyes boring into me. “The thought of losing her.”
I shake my head at him and start pacing back and forth across the room. “The four of you have already come to some unspoken agreement to share her.” I thrust my hand into my hair, allowing my fingers to pull on the ends in frustration. “No. I can’t.”
When I look up, his features are filled with rage. He steps forward, shoving me hard, and I stumble back. “What do you mean, no? Are we not your brothers? You can’t honestly stand here and tell me that you don’t know what she means to all of us. Did your time away fuck with your head that much? Did you forget everything, or are you choosing to be blind? Help me understand, D. Cause right now, all I wanna do is beat some sense into you, and it’s getting really hard to restrain myself.”
I grind my teeth trying to stop myself from doing something stupid like ramming my fist into Jaxon’s jaw. There’s been enough bloodshed for one day.
“You can’t possibly believe this is going to work.”
“I do. I’ll make it work for her. She won’t choose, Dante. She can’t.”
“I can’t,” I admit. Every time I close my eyes I see her with Gabe and I don’t think that will ever go away.
I’ve wanted her to be mine for so many years. I’ve loved her for even longer, and it physically hurts thinking of her being with someone other than me.
Jax looks at Cassie then back to me, stepping into my space, lowering his voice for my ears only. “We shared her, D. Was it that bad? Did waking up to see my face between her thighs make you wanna run away, or did it turn you on? Don’t lie ’cause I already know the answer, and I think it’s time you start being honest with yourself.”
“You don’t know anything,” I spit, but dammit if he isn’t right.
He smirks, giving me a knowing look.
“Asshole,” I mumble, and he chuckles.
If I’m honest, it did feel good to take her with him. To watch the way she came alive with us. But then she gave herself to the one person I never thought in a million years she would.
I don’t know if I can get past that.
“You walked away like we were nothing, D. But she found a way to forgive you for that.” It’s like he’s reading my thoughts, and my chest caves with guilt.
“I don’t know how you did it. I lost my fucking mind being away from her for three months. And that was against my will. Three of the worst fucking months of my life not being with her, but if it’s so easy for you to walk away, then do it. Walk the fuck away.”
“It wasn’t like that. I made choices, and I thought I was protecting her.” It’s the same lie I’ve told myself over and over again.
His brows pull together as he shakes his head. “Stop lying. Stop lying to her. Stop lying to me, and dammit, Dante, stop lying to yourself. You left because it was easier than staying and fighting. But look at us, brother.” He holds his arms out, waving them around.
“We’re all fighting for our lives. We aren’t running from it. You gotta make a choice. Walk away from the woman you love, the woman whose heart is big enough to love all of us equally. The woman strong enough to fight to protect her friends. The woman who convinced a man with a lifetime of secrets to give you the truth you deserved.” My heart races thinking about a life where she doesn’t exist.
“You can walk away, and I’ll pick up the pieces of her broken heart and take pleasure knowing I’m the man who put it back together, piece by fucking piece.”
“Fuck you,” I growl.
“Or you can take your ass back there and make this shit right. Because I’ll be honest, D. If I see her hurt one more fucking time over something you say or do, I’m gonna fucking murder you, not pound your face in like I want to right now, but literally kill you. I’ll bury your body where no one can find it, and she will never have to hear from you again.”
I close my eyes, not knowing what to do. When I open them again, his gaze is beating into me with the fury of a madman.
“Make a decision, D. Now or never. Are you in or out? Angel’s no saint, and I won’t stand here and act like she is, but none of us are. We’ve all made fucked-up decisions, and we all have to live with it, you can either choose to forgive her and move on or you need to let her go.”
My body stills. My gaze drifts to the hall leading to where Angel disappeared and then back to Jax.
“Can one of you idiots take me to my brother? I really don’t give a fuck about y’all’s soap opera issues when Lucky’s in the hospital,” Cassie seethes.
