Page 80 of Devotion

I swallow a lump in my throat and open up my bank account. Flo helped me set up this one and Quinn showed me how to use it. I open up my balance and stare.

That's… way more money than I'm supposed to have in there. That's… crazy money. I even shut off my phone, start it up again, and open the app again, staring at the numbers.

I have enough money to save Starla. I have enough money to do… a lot of things now.

I have enough money to leave.

I close my eyes and try to center myself, but I feel off-kilter. Sergio is gone on an unknown mission, which is not out of the ordinary, because he's a man that does things he doesn't tell me about. He's someone that can't work out in the open, because he's a criminal. I know this, but I love him anyway.

I love him.

But I don't know how we can go on together like this.

I try to make myself believe that I am worthy of love, but right now, all I can think about is what to do next.

I open up the app again and stare at the numbers. Why did I get paid so much money? Maybe somebody made a mistake. This is the kind of money it should’ve taken me five years to make.

I put the phone down.

I know I have to go back for Starla. I have to talk to Sergio about that first, because I know I can't do this alone. All it would take would be for me to encounter the wrong person. If Seth is there…

I take a shower, then let Daisy out of her crate. I brush my teeth and my hair. I even put on a little makeup because Quinn showed me how to. And I dress in my new clothes. I wanted to burn the old ones, but they were gone when I came back.

Since our night on the yacht, Quinn and Marialena have redone my entire wardrobe. I have slim-fitting jeans and buttery soft leggings. I have skirts and dresses and formfitting tees. Nothing’s too flashy, and somehow, it's all just… me. The new me, anyway. Classy, a little trendy, well-made, and… beautiful.

After I finish getting ready, I go out to the kitchen.

It's a Friday, and we have a big crowd coming in tonight. I know now that Sergio is giving me more jobs than I need, more jobs than he needed to, because maybe he wanted to keep me here. I know clubs like this don't normally have extravagant menus, but he likes my cooking, and he knows I like to cook.

I take Daisy out for a walk, my mind clouded with all of the decisions I need to make. I've gotten used to relying on Sergio, and I'm not sure how I feel about that. I need to depend on myself . I can't wait on a man to make my decisions for me. I hold up my chin and walk with confidence down the street, but my mind is in turmoil.

I dial Sergio again. It goes to voicemail.

What would Marialena do? She's back in Florida with her husband, but Quinn's in town.

I hit the button and dial Quinn.

The phone rings, and I try to think of what I'm going to say. It rings and rings and goes to voicemail.

I feel sick to my stomach, unsure of what's happening. I want to ask someone for advice. But then I realize… There's no one to ask. It's just me, and always has been… just me.

Maybe it was a lie that I belonged in this family. Maybe it was all just in my head…

I try to tell myself it's early, everyone's asleep. Maybe they'll call me later. Maybe I don't need someone else to help me make this decision. What decision am I even trying to make?

For once in my life, I wish I knew the answer. I wish my mind wasn't so muddled, as if I don't know what’s right or wrong. I don't know what's coming next. And it leaves me more than a little uneasy.

I sit down on the curb. I remember how I almost got hit by a car before I got on the bus, way back when, before I ever came to Boston. Even this early in the morning, Boston city traffic is thick, horns blaring and people yelling at each other.

I take in a deep breath, and I let it out slowly. Daisy licks my hand. I give her a little pat and a scratch behind her ears. "No matter what happens, you're coming with me."

I stand up, and I go back to the club. Feed Daisy. Brush my hair. It’s boring and mundane and doesn’t distract me at all from thoughts of Sergio.

It's lunchtime when I finally look up from my work. I haven't put my phone back on because I like how it feels not being at the beck and call of anyone. And if I'm really honest, I'm a little miffed that nobody answered my call, and that Sergio didn't tell me where he was going.

Flo comes in, her arms laden with groceries.

"Oh, my God, you would not believe what they have at the food pantry."

Source: www.allfreenovel.com