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He canexplain? Itlooksbad? I guess I shouldn’t be so shocked that he reached out, but there’s nothing he can say that will make this better. He ran a man off the road! With trembling fingers, I block his number and move on to my other messages.
Char: how are you feeling?
Char: just picked up my car. I had the driver slow down at the end of the street to make sure no one was outside.
Char: I’m getting worried. I’ll give you until tomorrow before I break your door down.
Jasmine: Feel better soon!
Mom: hope you had a great weekend honey
I need to prioritize. First, I shoot off a text to Jasmine, explaining that I’m still not feeling well.Fuck. I don’t know what I’m going to do about work. How am I ever supposed to face him again?
I shoot off a text to Char, letting her know I’m safe and just resting. She replies immediately, saying to call her if I need anything.
I need a way out of this. I need a way to reverse time so I can go back to never having this knowledge. To making the choice to fuck off with him and keeping myself clueless. Better yet, to never having met him at all. To walking out of that bar and ignoring Trent’s attempts to make me feel even shittier than I already did.
But the truth never stays hidden, and while ignorance is an easier pill to swallow, it rots you from the inside.
I’ve hardly slept the last two nights, and the sleep Ididget was restless and disturbed. I toss a pillow over my head and hope to drift into a peaceful sleep, knowing it’s futile. I haven’t slept right since the St. Patrick’s Day party. The day everything changed because I was too nosy for my own damn good.
It’s a good thing you were nosy. If you weren’t, you wouldn’t know.
And if I didn’t know, maybe I would be cuddled up next to him right now. We never cuddled before, but he’d never asked me to stay the night, either.
My heart aches with the reminder, wishing more than anything that I could turn back the clock and return to the time when I was in the dark.
I sigh, shutting my eyes despite my alert mind. It starts to do what it’s done on an endless loop these last few days—it cycles through all the memories of us. Meeting him at the bar, the shock of seeing him again at Rowan’s party, all the stolen looks when his eyes said more than his words ever could.
His hand on my throat as he thrust into me in the broom closet, me completely at his mercy and him taking what was his.
Then, something happens that hasn’t before. My clit responds to the thought. My eyes shoot open, staring into my poorly lit room.
An orgasm could help me sleep… and after everything, lord knows I could use some sort of release.
I reach into my nightstand drawer, pulling out my purple friend. Excitement and lust fill me, and I wonder why I haven’t thought of this sooner.
I turn her on and push her into my underwear, suddenly desperate to feelsomethingthat isn’t pain and confusion and guilt. The vibration on my clit is immediately effective, transporting me back to my recollections.
I replay us in that closet, him thrusting deep into me and squeezing my throat as he nuzzles into it. He breathes me in, and I meet his dilated eyes, thrilling me with the look of pure need.
I moan into the loneliness of my room as my body tenses, already too close for my liking. I want this elation to permanently take over every sense of my being.
And then it stops.
“Fuck!” I toss the dead vibrator on the bed and shove my hand into my panties. My middle finger takes over the job, dipping into my pussy and restoring the place of pure joy as it works my clit.
My imagination moves from the broom closet, to the car, to his room, to the guest bedroom, finally settling on a fabrication I didn’t realize I yearned for: us here in my room.
He’s never even been to my apartment.
That thought evaporates just as quickly as it arrived. His face is between my legs, and he’s sucking and gripping and devouring. I increase the small movements of my finger, using my other hand to slip two fingers into my pussy. They slide right in.
I curl them and pulse as my middle finger moves faster still. His voice in my mind sends me over the edge.
Come for me, my good little princess.
I fall apart, moaning his name for no one to hear, my legs quivering as I do. I still, floating on a cloud where nothing can harm me, and no one can bring me down. As it fades away, like every good thing ever does, the ache returns to my chest.
