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It felt good.
Well, stupid.
Because who willingly pokes a bear with a toothpick just for fun?
But still, good.
“The sooner you’re married off, the better!” My father hissed and sat back down in his chair, flinging his hand forward for a repour on his wine. “Eat or don’t eat, whatever. But regardless, this evening and tomorrow will go as planned.” He glared at me, “Don’t make me remind you who is in charge here.”
I shuddered, but held his stare in silent appraisal as he looked away and went back to eating. Carmine relaxed at my side and slid my chair back into the table and let out a weighted breath. “Eat,” he whispered. “Please.”
I held off for a few more minutes as the rest of my family cautiously went back to eating in silence before I picked up my fork again.
The foodwasreally good.
The meal passed with only my parents and Carmine speaking of things pertaining to business back home as I watched the minutes tick by on the grandfather clock in the corner. The more time that passed, the closer to doom I got.
When the food was gone and my father and mother were well into the later stages of being drunk on wine, I felt like I was crawling out of my skin.
I couldn’t do it.
I couldn’t. It was too… repulsive.
But I didn’t have a choice. I wasn’t in charge. “Come,” My mother said, standing from her chair and walking to my side, “Let’s get you ready for the ceremony.” She turned and spoke to my father, “Get the priest ready.”
My father nodded to her and then looked at me with a smirk on his thin lips. “You’ll be on your best behavior, or I’ll make you regret it.” With that he stood up, wine glass in hand, and walked from the room with a slight tilt to his frame.
I looked over to my brother Carmine, but he wouldn’t meet my gaze. His hands were on the table in fists as he stared down at his plate in silence. He wasn’t going to stop this for me.
And my future husband hadn’t even shown up to dinner before I was being sent to the priest as a sacrifice.
“This is bullshit,” I cursed under my breath and then my mother’s fingers wrapped around my upper arm and dragged me out of my chair aggressively.
“Silence.” She hissed and hauled me after her to my room.
As we left the dining room, curious glances and concerned looks burnt my skin as we passed the staff. Some looked almost appalled by the open display of force against me, but it wasn’t like any of them were going to step in. I knew that.
It almost helped that at least some of them felt a bit of outrage from the entire situation.
Like solidarity of some sort, even if it was in silence.
When we got inside my room she shoved me forward, before grabbing a bottle of the tonic off my dresser, pouring a hefty amount into a cup, and pushing it at me.
I took the glass but hesitated before putting it to my lips to drink like I normally would. My mother paused as she held up the nightdress I was supposed to wear for the ceremony.
“Drink it,” She ordered, “Believe me, you’ll want it.”
I watched her as the first glimpse of a woman who’d been through the same arranged marriage traditions that I was going through surfaced. “Will it hurt?” I whispered and tipped the tonic to my lips, giving in to my fate. Because she was right, I would want the numbness for what faced me.
“Yes,” she said firmly, and then sighed, “Though far less than it would if it was your new husband I’d guess.”
I set the glass down and felt the tingling of the tonic dance across my tongue. “Why do you say that?”
She shrugged her shoulders before coming around my back to unzip my dress and help me out of it. “I don’t suspect your husband is a gentle type of man,” she replied as I crossed my arms over my bare chest and turned towards her.
She nodded to the basin of water that was left on an antique table in the center of the room. Next to the basin were linens with golden crosses embroidered on them and I fought the revulsion that rolled through my body at the blatant lie they represented to me.
“The ceremony will-” she paused as she hung the dinner gown up and I grieved that it went wasted, “Take away most of the pain for the first time you’re with your husband.” She said and then held the new white gown out for me to slide my arms into. It was like a robe, with long flowing sleeves and ties at the throat, the breast, and the hips.
