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I blew out a long breath.
I was supposed to be the one sacrificing for this quest.
Yet it seemed those that I cared about were giving up everything. It wasn’t fair.
My father.
Zelda.
Evelyn.
… Vern.
I added Vern’s name to the end of my growing list of those who had sacrificed everything because of me.
The burden on my shoulders seemed to grow that much heavier as I sank into my seat.
“Maybe there’s something I can do,” I ventured as I toyed with the bracelet that dug into my arm. I couldn’t move it, so I ran my fingernail over the edges. It didn’t hurt too much anymore, as if my body had grown used to it.
Just like the constant sharp pain of my broken rib that refused to heal in my chest.
Vern shrugged. “I doubt it, but you have a week to figure it out. Although I had a suggestion on the training you should be focusing on before we go to the Shadow Realm.”
Killian leaned in. “I’m listening.”
He might be ready to move on and accept Vern’s role in this, but I certainly wasn’t.
Still, I pondered the spark of an idea while Vern continued.
“You’ll need to focus on building your mental strength.”
“Mental strength?” I echoed. That’s not what I’d expected him to say.
He nodded. “The Shadow Realm is a place of death—but it’s not natural. Dark magic has twisted that realm and humans often find themselves projected there during their sleep. It likes to suck in any form of life and feed on it.” He leaned onto the table. “Why do you think vampires drink blood? They crave the life they’ve lost. They need something to sustain their immortality and healing. That realm works the same way. Something has to fuel such a place, and it feeds on emotions and doubt.”
That reminded me of what Lily had told me about how dragons worked. Wild Dragons were a result of transforming powerful emotions into energy. Going too far with that resulted in an insane creature.
I could only imagine what a realm based on that principle would be like.
Or a Lost Queen trapped there.
Corruption didn’t even have to infiltrate that realm. The Lost Queen would be born into madness just by the effects of that place.
“What do we need to do?” I asked, now focused on the task at hand.
I’d see what I could do about Vern, but I couldn’t allow any creature to be born into such darkness. Even if the fate of the realms didn’t count on it, that wouldn’t change my desire to save an innocent.
Plus, mental strength was something I’d admittedly struggled with. If it hadn’t been for Killian, I would have fallen prey to Nera’s offer.
I’d sat on that throne on Avalon and felt the enticing promise that if I gave up all of my emotions, the guilt, the grief, then I’d never have to feel them again.
I’d be free.
But Killian had reminded me that if I gave those thing up, I’d throw away everything that mattered too.
“If you throw away the pain, you’ll throw away everything good, too. Grief is the cost of love, and I would pay that cost infinitely to have the privilege of loving you.”
Reaching under the table, I squeezed Killian’s thigh.
