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No one answers her right away, leading to some awkwardness as the silence hangs between us all.
Tanner finally steps up. “We were just talking about Mackenzie,” he explains, smiling at her.
“Oh, yeah?” Espy asks, looking a bit confused. “What about her?”
“Leo here was just telling us she rejected that pack she was dating. Didn’t realize things weren’t going well there,” he continues.
This seems to make Espy relax, and she moves through the room and over to her little cot area in the corner. “Yeah, she wasn’t too sure about them, and she told me they mutually ended the courtship a few days ago. Makes sense that those things don’t always work out, right? I mean, bonding is such a huge commitment.”
While I desperately wish her presence would mean we can put this conversation on hold, Leo’s gaze is fixed on my face. Waiting for my answer.
“I ... I don’t know, man,” I eventually say, sighing as I lean back against the couch. I could really use something stronger than a beer right about now.
“What don’t you know?” Leo presses, frowning.
“Do you not like her?” Tanner asks. It’s clear there’s no judgment in his voice, only true curiosity.
“It’s not that,” I reply. And it isn’t. Mackenzie is really sweet. The times we’ve hung out have been easy and decently fun, and naturally I love how Leo lights up around her. I like her with him, and as my packmate, my family, I want that for him.
I’ve just never wanted that forme.
“So what is it?” Leo challenges, his voice harder.
“I just haven’t really thought about it,” I defend, a feeling of dread starting to pulse in my chest.
“You’ve known that I like her!” he accuses. “I’ve been into her for over a year now! I know we never talked about it outright, but I thought we were on the same page about approaching her when the school year started. Youhadto have thought about it! Back me up, man.” He turns to Tanner angrily.
Tanner, for his part, looks deeply uncomfortable. “I mean ... we never actually said the words,” he hedges.
“Of course we didn’t say the words!” Leo cuts in. “We’re guys! We don’t talk about our feelings.”
“What’s happening?” Espy asks, cautiously walking over and looking between the three of us. Having this conversation in front of her is just making my confused emotions worse.
“Dickhead over there is being a selfish jackass, that’s what.” Leo scowls at me.
“Come on, man,” Tanner interjects. “This is an important conversation. We’re each entitled to our feelings, and it’s important to be honest.”
“This is about Mackenzie?” Espy asks again, her brow furrowing adorably before things seem to click. “Oh. You want to court her?”
“Of course I want to court her! How is this a surprise to anyone?” he bites out in clear frustration.
“It’s not,” she murmurs quietly before continuing more loudly. “It makes complete sense. You’re not very subtle with your crush.” Her voice is teasing, but it sounds off to my ears. “I just hadn’t thought about you guys courting an omega of your own, but of course you would. Mackenzie is great.”
It’s past two in the morning, and I decide I amdonewith this conversation. I can’t make sense of what I’m feeling or why. My head is pounding, and I know I’m in no condition to be having this discussion right now. Nothing wrong with a strategic retreat.
“Can we pick this up tomorrow? I think we all need to sleep on the idea,” I propose.
Tanner nods, a tight smile on his face, but Leo doesn’t say a word. His body is tense, his jaw clenched as he stares at the ground in clear frustration. And sadness.
It feels wrong to leave, but I know it’d be worse to stay right now. I grab my stuff, say my goodbyes, and then head out. The cold, dark walk back to my room reflects the uncertainty swirling in my head.
22
Esperanza
Checking the time on my phone, I sigh. I’m about twenty minutes early to my appointment with Dr. Morgan, and it’s too cold out to just sit outside and kill time like I normally would. Looking around, I spot the campus coffee shop and decide to grab a tea as an excuse to be indoors.
I’m usually much better at timing out my walk over to the health services building, but today I just had to get out of the dorm room. Things have been ...off,the past few weeks. First there was that meltdown I had with Lincoln out in the field, and then the painfully awkward conversation I walked in on between my brother and his packmates. Things have just been so tense. Leo is mad at Lincoln for being reluctant to court Mackenzie, and Leo and Tanner are fighting because Leo wants him to take his side in the argument, but Tanner is apparently trying to stay neutral. Lincoln has been avoiding them both, or so I gather.Idon’t have any real reason to be mad, and yet the whole thing has put me into quite the funk.
