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“Well, wow, yes…that’s…”
I put my hand over hers to stop her. “I know,” I say.
“But youlikemen?” she asks slowly, carefully, like she’s trying to find the right words, and I appreciate her honest nature even more in this moment.
“I like Jay,” I admit with a shrug.
“But you generally favor women?” she asks, head cocked.
I sigh. This is the part I’m still confused about myself. “Maybe?” I offer. “Honestly?”
She nods but stays silent, scooting forward on the couch and watching me closely.
“I think it depends on the person. Like I don’t think about sex that much. Maybe because I’ve only had sex a few times, and it was a long time ago. And like I said, never with a man.”
Sophie blows out a breath. “Man, you must think I’m a dirty whore for all the sex talk.”
I huff a laugh. “No, it’s been nice. Honestly…I don’t know how to say this because I don’t want you to get weird on me.”
She takes a deep breath. “Okay, if you’re attracted to me, I get it. I’m really pretty and awesome, but I like men.”
I chortle and swat at her. “Shut up!”
She throws her head back and cackles. “You can tell me anything. Even if it’s that you’re obscenely attracted to me.”
“Yes, well, as attractive as you are, I think I can keep my hands to myself. Don’t you worry.”
She shrugs, one brow arched. “I know, I know. I’ll try not to dress so cute when we go out tonight. Sorry, please go on.”
“Thanks, appreciate it. As I was saying, my ex, the last person I was with, theonlyperson I’ve ever been with, was my best friend in high school. She…she made me think things and believe things…and part of me wonders if our relationship, and maybe her influence, messed me up. Like, am I even attracted to women, or did she just make me believe I was? I think I correlate sex with heartbreak now because the closest person to me used my trust in her as a friend to her advantage.”
I sigh. I’m making Mia sound like a villain. I do think she loved me,loves me, she’s just…Mia. Like me, she’s never witnessed what love is supposed to be like. Can two broken people ever be right?
Sophie puts a hand on top of mine on the couch cushion and squeezes. “I’m sorry.”
I shrug, tired of feeling this way. “My point is, being with Jay, even being attracted to him, has my mind all sorts of messed up.” I blow out a breath, giving her the rest of my secrets. “And it’s not just because he’s a man. It’s becauseI’ma James.”
Her forehead creases. “You’re a what?” she asks, angling closer.
“James Liquors. As in Hanson’s biggest competitor.”
“You’re related to the James family?” Her eyes practically pop out of her head when she asks.
I laugh. “I’m not related to them. Iamthem. Theodore James is my grandfather. My brother Carter, he’s Jay’s roommate.”
“Shut the fuck up!” she says, rearing back.
I shake my head. “I am. Jay and Carter went to college together. I never met Jay because Carter and I have never been that close. I was away at boarding school when they were in college, and then I was in New York and too preoccupied with my own life. So I met Jay as Jay, not as Jonathan Hanson. And no one knows I’m a James,including him…I keep that little tidbit of information to myself because it always changes the way people look at me.”
“That’s…” she shakes her head, “that’s a lot.”
“I’m still me,” I argue with a shrug.
She gives me a small, sympathetic smile. “I know that. I don’t care what your last name is. But that’s a lot for you. You’ve been carrying all this around, by yourself, all this time. It can’t be easy.”
Tension melts from my shoulders as the truth of her words seeps through me. As sheseesme. Not what she can get from knowing me.
“Honestly, it’s okay.” I shrug. “I’m happy with my decisions. I’m happy to carry my mother’s last name. If I could be anyone in the world, it would be her.”
