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The insinuation struck him squarely in the gut. It had not occurred to Derek that Jonas might see things this way, and now he felt desperate to prove himself to be anything other than the degenerate Jonas obviously thought him to be.
“Dash it all, Jo, I did not … you know that I would never … I … I only pursued Julia to gain your attention. That is the truth! I never intended to marry her, and she knew that. She wished to make Gilbanks jealous and asked for my help, so I played along. Yes, I had my own reasons, but aside from that I wanted to help her.”
To his surprise, Jonas burst out laughing. He rocked back and forth in his chair, shoulders shaking and face flushing red. Even when he had calmed, his lips twitched as if he fought back another burst of laughter.
“I already knew,” Jonas said. “But I thank you for your honesty.”
“Then you are also aware that Julia knows … about us. She has known for quite some time.”
“She told me everything, Derek. I must admit, learning that she has always known the truth about me came as something of a relief.”
“Did it? I would have expected you to be horrified.”
“I might have been,” Jonas replied. “Until I realized that running and hiding never cured me of that fear. My entire life, I have been worried that anyone could discover the truth about me with nothing more than a single glance. That fear controlled my life to such a degree that I began suppressing my thoughts, my desires, my needs. If I could avoid even thinking it, I could protect my secret from the world.”
Derek’s throat burned with emotion, his eyes stinging as if he might weep. He blinked back the tears and held Jonas’ gaze, understanding how important it was to be present and supportive in this moment. Jonas had likely never been so honest with anyone in his life. “That sounds like a horrible way to live.”
“It was,” Jonas said at a near whisper, his gaze lowered to the table between them. “It has been. I thought it would save me—save us both—but I was wrong. I have been so miserable, Derek, so alone. So much time has been wasted while I ran away from myself, from you. But I am tired of running. I am weary of hiding.”
Inching his hands across the table, Derek laid them atop Jonas’. He gave them a squeeze, then brought them to his lips. “The dangers of being who we are have not changed, Jo.”
Jonas nodded and then lifted his head, revealing the greenish glimmer of tears pooling in his eyes. “I know. But the dangers of going on as I have in the past are even greater. If I have to live another seven years in isolation, pretending to be something I am not, I may as well lie down and die right here and now.”
The hope Derek had felt this afternoon began to swell in him once again, but this time he did not try to contain it. This time, he allowed it to grow and fill him to the brim. “Does this mean what I think it means?”
With a sniffle, Jonas drew his hands away and used his shirtsleeve to swipe away the tears pooling beneath his eyelids. “Perhaps. Are you willing to leave it up to chance?”
At Derek’s confused frown, Jonas fished something small and shiny out of his fob pocket. He held a coin up between them, pressed between his first and second fingers. “If I remember correctly, we still have one final game to play. This time, I have chosen the game and it is quite simple.”
Derek grinned. “Is that so? Very well, then. I accept your challenge. Only, we will need to agree on new stakes. The original wager has become null and void now that Julia will wed the viscount.”
“Indeed. Here are the stakes I propose. I am going to flip this coin, and if it lands head-side up then I am yours to do with as you please.”
“What will happen if it lands tails-side up?” Derek asked, a trickle of fear snaking down his spine. Would he lose Jonas to a blasted flip of a coin?
A slow grin spread across Jonas’ face as he positioned the coin on the knuckle of his thumb. “Then you are mine to do with as I please.”
Derek’s amusement and relief mingled with the clutch of anticipation as the coin sailed through the air, a flash of silver in the firelight. Jonas caught the coin in his palm, then laid it on the back of his opposite hand before presenting it to Derek. The head of the coin stared up at Derek. His gaze shot back to Jonas’ face, finding not an ounce of the fear that he’d expected. Jonas simply set the coin aside and pushed his chair back from the table. Bracing his hands on the arms of the chair, he slouched against the back and spread his legs. Remaining perfectly still, he met Derek’s gaze with eyes that said everything his mouth did not. The light of the fire sent golden sparks through the green and brown prisms, luring Derek in like a siren’s call.
Coming to his feet, Derek closed the distance between them in a single stride and gripped the lapels of Jonas’ waistcoat. He snatched Jonas to his feet and jerked him the few inches required for their lips to meet. Jonas’ mouth met his like a crash of thunder in a storm, their tongues pushing and prodding, heated breaths panting between parted lips. They clawed at one another, Derek raking his fingers through Jonas’ hair and down his neck and shoulders, while Jonas cupped his buttocks and closed the remaining distance between them. While Jonas ground the length of his turgid erection against Derek’s belly, Derek snatched at the buttons of his shirt and then his waistcoat. Jonas snaked his hands up Derek’s torso, pushing his hands into his coat and pushing it down his shoulders. They became a tangle of limbs and loosened articles of clothing as Derek guided them toward the bed.
Jonas lost his footing and fell onto the mattress, pulling Derek on top of him with an arm wrapped tight around his waist. They laughed between kisses, hands groping and yanking to free one another of the cumbersome weight of their clothes. It might have been managed faster if they could tear their lips apart, but Derek was drunk on the taste of Jonas, unwilling to relinquish the heady feeling for a second. His coat fell away, followed by his shirt and then Jonas’ waistcoat. It took a bit of fumbling with breeches for them to realize they must separate to remove their boots. Derek rolled off of Jonas just long enough to yank off his own boots, and then he knelt at Jonas’ feet and performed the task for him. Jonas tore his shirt from the waistband of his breeches while Derek attacked the button of his fall.
At last, Jonas lay before him gloriously naked from head to toe. Derek sat back on his heels and drank in the sight, tracing the contours of Jonas’ wide chest, ridged abdomen, the lines delineating the lines of his groin, the thatch of dark hair surrounding his cock and cradling his balls. His legs seemed endless with thick, strong thighs and sinewy calves. Releasing a breath of wonder, Derek ran his hands up those legs, the dusting of brown curls tickling his fingers. Jonas squirmed beneath him as Derek skimmed the contours of his thighs, bypassing the tempting upward thrust of his cock to delve into the line of hair running beneath his navel. He laid over Jonas, trailing his tongue through that trail of hair toward the divot of his navel while gently teasing his tightly furled nipples between his thumbs and forefingers.
Jonas sighed as if he were relieved as if his body were on fire and the touches of Derek’s fingers and tongue gave him succor. Closing his eyes, Derek inhaled the scent he had sorely missed, nuzzling his nose against soft, supple skin. Jonas cupped the back of his head, leading Derek’s lips where he wanted them. Derek followed his silent commands, soothing every burning patch of skin his lips touched with featherlight kisses and flicks of his tongue. Putting his mouth to one of Jonas’ nipples, he suckled and nibbled until Jonas cried out. Back arching off the bed, Jonas pushed the hard length of his cock against Derek in a silent plea.
“So impatient,” Derek murmured, making his slow way back down. “Easy, love … I’ll give you what you want.”
“Yes,” Jonas panted between labored breaths. He trembled when Derek lay between his legs, pressing his lips to the tender inside of one thigh. “God, Derek, yes!”
Derek traced his tongue up the inside of Jonas’ thigh, tracking a path over the swollen bulge of his bollocks. Jonas hissed between his teeth, then let out a string of oaths as Derek’s tongue flicked at his balls, and then continued along the length of his cock. When he reached Jonas’ cockhead, Derek swirled his tongue around it and then opened wide to take it into his mouth. Jonas fisted the coverlet in his hands as if resisting the urge to grasp Derek’s head and guide it as he pleased. The coin flip had dictated that Derek was in charge, and Jonas was a slave to his every whim. The power of such a position added kindling to the flames of Derek’s arousal. He pressed his hips into the mattress to calm his needy cock and hooked his arms beneath Jonas’ thighs to spread them wide and pin him in place.
A hoarse cry tore from Jonas when Derek enveloped his head in his mouth. His hips bucked off the bed, but Derek held him down, slowly inching his way down the thick length of his cock. Derek took as much of Jonas as his mouth and throat would allow, his eyes stinging and watering when he reached his limit. He pulled back until only his tongue remained at Jonas’ swollen tip, then eased downward again, stroking his tongue along the pulsing veins in Jonas’ shaft.
“Fucking hell,” Jonas muttered, resting a hand at the back of Derek’s neck but applying very little pressure, seeming content to allow him to set the pace. “God, yes … suck me … just like that.”
Derek moaned around Jonas’ cock, shivers racing down his spine at the gruff timbre wrapped around Jonas’ pleas. He released the cock from his mouth long enough to suck his finger between his lips to wet it. Then, he resumed his ministrations while prodding a finger between Jonas’ bottom cheeks. The tight pucker of his hole relaxed against Derek’s moistened finger, and then the digit was enveloped by heat and pressure. Taking one of Jonas’ thighs over his shoulder, Derek quickened the strokes of his mouth around Jonas’ cock while slowly easing the finger in and out of his arsehole. Jonas bucked and thrashed beneath him, working his hips in rhythm with Derek’s strokes, taking his finger in to the third knuckle. Sensing he was ready for more, Derek eased in a second finger. Jonas gasped and pushed against him, trying to take as much as Derek had to give.
