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“I don’t know.” I bit my lip and kept my gaze straight ahead, suddenly finding the IHU students walking to and from classes fascinating.
The car was silent for a while, and then, “I think you do,” Atlas returned icily. I could feel her breathing fast and hard now. “When was the last time you fucked her, Owen?” I closed my eyes, not wanting to answer. Noting my hesitation and the tension in my body, Atlas let out a derisive laugh and added, “Let me guess…it wasn’t twenty years ago.”
“No.”
“How recent?”
My hands shook, actually fucking shook, as I ran them up and down my thighs as if the friction it created would give me the strength I needed not to lie. I never had trouble giving the brutal truth before because I’d never cared about hurting anyone’s feelings. Lately, I’d been wishing I could go back to the man I was before Atlas found me.
“When, Rowdy?” she snapped. Atlas using my street name was never a good sign.
“We never fucking stopped!” I finally blurted. Seeing her ebon eyes open wide in alarm, I rushed to add, “Not until you. The last time was before I even met you. Jada tried to keep it going, but I shut the shit down after we got together and told her it was never happening again.”
“So…best case scenario is yourbest friend’s wifehas it out for me and is lying to break us up, and worst case scenario is thatmy own fucking motherhas it out for me and istelling the truthjust to break us up?” She tilted her head to the side. “Do I have that correct, Owen? Is there anyone else in my family tree you fucked? Demi, maybe?”
I’d forgotten that Demi was Jada’s first cousin. That would make her Atlas’s cousin too.
“Chill.”
Atlas sneered. “It’s a valid question.”
“I’ve never fucked Demi, nor would I ever. Roc is my boy. I wouldn’t do him dirty like that.”
“And Joren isn’t?”
“Joren isn’t in love with his wife!” I roared. Atlas flinched, so I forced myself to calm down. “I don’t think he ever was.”
The only reason I hadn’t come clean before was because Joren’s pride ran deeper than his love for his wife.Muchdeeper. He’d never forgive me.
“How noble of you.” Atlas sneered. “You want to know what I really think? I think it’s rich of you to say that Joren doesn’t love his wife when you don’t know what love is. You’re not capable of it, and I wish I’d never met you.”
My nostrils flared as I stared straight ahead, pretending her words hadn’t cut me deep. I knew she was angry, hurt, and just lashing out, but it didn’t hurt any less. My voice was hollow when I finally spoke. “That may be, but this changes nothing between us, Atlas.”
“If you say so. Look, I gotta go.” Atlas quickly gathered her things, but when she reached for the door, I quickly hit the locks. Without looking back at me, she said, “Unlock the door, Rowdy.”
“Chill with that Rowdy shit,” I said with a snarl. Atlas said nothing, so I sighed. “Tell me you understand what I said.”
“I wish I could, Owen, but it’s not that simple anymore. It’s too much. It’s all too much. I knew you were a monster, but I fell in love with you anyway, the good, the bad, and the ugly. There was no part of you I didn’t want. But for the first time since I said yes to us in that hot-air balloon, I’m wondering if I ever really knew you.”
I sucked in a breath and felt the heart I’d kept on ice for her give its final death rattle. I felt her gaze on me, but I didn’t allow myself to look at her. I was afraid of what she’d see if I did. She might be having regrets about us, but I wasn’t. “Aight.” It was all I said before I hit the locks. “You’re free.”
I saw her flinch from the corner of my eye, but she didn’t stick around to question what I meant. She wouldn’t like the answer either way.
Atlas fled, and I didn’t let myself watch her go. I wasn’t sure how long I sat there before I found the will to leave.
I’d never broken a heart before, so I didn’t know the signs to look for. Sign or no sign, I was pretty sure I’d broken Rowdy’s. It should have been easy to detect since I’ve suffered it before, but heartbreak looked different in every person. Some ran from it while some wallowed in it.
And then there was Rowdy. He just pretended it never happened.
I was still living with him, but it had been a week since we’d said more than two words to each other.
It felt like we were going backward—tiptoeing around each other, sleeping in separate rooms, and being careful not to touch or let a look linger for too long.
I should have been relieved when the kit arrived in the mail, but nothing but dread filled my stomach as I stared at the multiple mouth swabs laid out before me.
None of the labs I’d called could see us before the end of the year, so I booked an appointment with the earliest availability.
Next fucking year.
