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Until Honor.
Then she was taken from us. Off the switch went again, and this time I don’t know if I’ll be able to go back to trusting letting myself feel again.
But I want to try.
When she came into our lives the first time, listening to how I felt came naturally. Walking out of her life the way we did killed me inside, and every day I wake up I feel that switch cement in the off position a little more.
Now that we’re back, I don’t think walking away is an option even if I am the one shoving that damn pact down our throats. Honor needs me—us. I have to at least try for her sake.
I settle a hand on her shoulder and pull her in. I wrap my big arms around her and let her cry it out as long as she needs.
Tears come hot and heavy and fall against my chest.
Fuck.
Anguish on Austin and Boone’s faces from her tears mirrors my own.
“I missed you,” I say into the softness of her hair, and it’s the honest to God truth.
Holding her close I press her head against my chest and make sure she hears the beats of my heart. She doesn’t realize it, but every single one is for her.
She pulls back a little and peers up at me, tears leaving red streaks down her face. I cup her jaw possessively, fiercely and take her lips with mine. It’s the only way to break the tough exterior I see reforming around her mind.
“None of this is your fault,” I whisper against her lips. “You did what you could.”
“But it wasn’t enough.”
“I know, baby. Take it from someone who knows that it never feels like enough. Seeing others get hurt is just part of life. But we can’t let ourselves fall into despair. There’s still hope they’ll find the girl. We have to keep positive.” I pull back until I have her eyes locked on mine. I need her to see the truth of my words. “The evil actions of others are not on you. You did nothing wrong. Do you hear what I am saying, sweetheart? Nothing.” I know I’m growling, but I feel every single word deep in my gut, and they’re coming out with all the rage and anger I feel from being pulled away from her for so long and not being able to protect her the way she needed us to in the first place.
She nods, taking my wrists in her hands and holding me just as tightly.
Boone eases her around to face him.
“I’m proud of you.”
“At the time I didn’t understand all the rules you always bossed me around with or all your protocols. I get it now.” She looks haunted, and my eyes fly to Boone’s.
“You were protecting me,” she continues in a quiet voice. “You even tried to protect me from myself the night you all took me and I wouldn’t have it. You wanted secrecy and I wanted…”
She looks around lost, her words trailing off.
Thick emotions jumble her words, but she takes a steadying breath and we wait for her to continue.
“What I wanted damn near ruined us all.” She pulls away. “I’m sorry I got you all into this. Unintentionally or otherwise.” She shakes her head furiously when I go to tell her she doesn’t owe us anything. In fact, it’s the other way around. Not to my surprise, our girl doesn’t want to hear it.
She wets her lips and her eyes dart between the three of us. “I need a minute.”
I let my hands fall to my sides when what I really want to do is snatch her back and never let her go.
I watch her retreating back as she pads her way upstairs. My chest is tight and every breath is a little harder to take than the last.
“I’m going to sweep the perimeter again,” Boone grits out, fighting his own demons, and I let him go.
“I’m with you.” Austin pushes up from the couch and is out the door with Boone.
A little air and space might help them realize what I’ve already figured out.
Honor is ours. None of us are leaving here without her. Her father can take that truth on the campaign trail whether he likes it or not.
