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I swallow and nod, then turn to Jacob. “We have to do this.”
The look he gives me is so soft, it takes my breath away. He’s… proud of me.
I’m not prepared for the tight sensation swelling in my breast at that realization. Embarrassed, I look away, and catch AX1’s raised eyebrows at our silent exchange.
No doubt he’s never so much as considered me capable of anything as humanizing as embarrassment. Nor that someone might feel pride in me.
From our time together before he escaped, I can’t blame him.
“Good,” Welsh breaks in, distracting me from the knot of guilt in my stomach. “Then let’s get started.”
TWELVE
ADDIE
Entering my lab has never felt so… wrong.
This used to be my sanctuary—my proudest achievement. I don’t see that here anymore. As I cross its threshold, it is not greatness that echoes in the dark, only my footsteps.
Memories wash over me, each so potent I momentarily lose track of Jacob’s presence behind me. This was a place where I held all the control. This was my kingdom. And my solace.
“Adelaide,” Jacob says, but his voice sounds so far away, its low, rumbling timbre coming to me like a roll of thunder from a distant storm. When I don’t reply, he tries again.
“Addie.”
My name is the crack of a whip in his mouth, an alpha command, and I turn. His gaze remains on my face at first, assessing me with a steady, even stare. “You good?”
I nod and swallow, pushing down the darkness threatening to pull me under.
“Grab whatever else you’ll need,” AX1 says. He’s posted near the door, keeping an eye on the perimeter. I don’t see Welsh; I guess he’s out there somewhere, patrolling the shadows. “The sooner we get moving, the sooner we can end this.”
I nod again, relieved to have an excuse for turning my back on Jacob.But I can tell he’s watching me, the heat of his gaze boring into my bones. There’s tension in our bond, the pull of it tying my stomach into knots.
He knows. For the first time, Jacob understands the magnitude of what this place meant to me—of how I felt every time I swiped my access card and walked through the doors—of the power and security my lab offered me. I try not to think about it, try not to remember how I never felt truly safe anywhere but here. Here, I was in control—perfect and indisputable—while beyond, I was so, so vulnerable.
I’m just finishing assembling my extraction kit when there’s a metallic groan. I turn, and Jacob has hefted himself onto a table, arms folded and raised as he peels off his shirt. The way his muscles bunch and twist makes my worn abdomen twang. Great. Now is definitely not the time for hormones.
“What are you doing?” I ask, ignoring my core’s attempt at mutiny.
“Might as well remove my chip here. Make sure the procedure is safe for the others.” He gives me a steady look.
My heart plummets toward my feet at the same moment my stomach leaps into my throat. I knew I’d have to do this—that was the whole point of coming here, after all—but… where once the thought of cracking Jacob’s skull open was just another Thursday to me, it now strikes me as a major operation. Because of course it is; it always was. It’s just taken me until now to admit it.
When you can convince yourself you’re only tuning up a machine, swapping out parts seems like no big deal. I really,reallydon’t like operating on people. Especially not… nothim.
I don’t move. For the first time, I’m frozen by the idea of this—of operating on Jacob, of piercing his skull and removing a part of him. What if I remove more than intended, irrevocably changing who he is? What if… what if I kill him?
But then Jacob speaks, and again, the churning in my brain immediately stops.
“Addie.”
My name, said with such tenderness, makes me look back up at my mate, and in his eyes… There is so much affection. So much trust. After all I’ve put him through, he should never want me to touch him again, let alone operate on him. Yet he… trusts me. I can feel it humming between us, a solid, steady vibration in our bond.
“We don’t have time to put you under,” I say, trying desperately not to think about all the times I’ve cut into him without anesthetics before. “I can try for some pain relief, but—”
Jacob shakes his head. “I need my thoughts clear.”
God, I hope this is the last time I’ll ever have to cut into him.
