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But I shake my arm to free myself.
I walk down the dark, winding path. I can’t see my feet very well, and I don’t even know where to go, knowing we’re in the middle of nowhere, but I have to move away. Tucker’s voice slams into my back. I inhale to try and calm myself and keep moving. Just as the trail gets narrower and starts to go downhill, my foot skids on a stupid rock.
My body follows suit. I close my eyes as I feel myself falling, but a firm grip grabs my waist and pulls me back.
“Damn it, are you okay?” asks Tucker, his face against my hair. His ragged breath hits my ear, proving to me that he ran to me.
I place my hands on his and pull them away from my body.
“Iris,” he repeats firmly as I tuck a reddish lock of hair back.
“No, no Iris,” I spit, turning to him. “Go ahead and have fun with your new recruit. It’ll be without me.”
The dryness of my voice disarms him. He stares at me blankly for a minute. His broad shoulders are tightened. His jaw is clenched behind his short black beard.
“I admit that I should have released you when I understood that you were really afraid and didn’t want to play,” he finally admits in a voice from beyond the grave.
I cross my arms over my chest. “Yeah, you should have, buddy. You’re going to regret this.”
“But you did it,” Tucker whispers as he moves closer to me. “Are you going to tell me you didn’t feel an ounce of excitement when you were in the warehouse? Liar.”
I let out a mirthless laugh. So he really doesn’t get it. “You don’t get it, Tucker. That’s not the point. I’m not a toy or a pawn on your chessboard that you can move around as you please.” I make sure I have his full attention before I say, “You blow hot and cold, and just when I start to think our relationship is finally becoming friendly, you turn back into a real asshole. You want the truth? I liked winning that test. But I wasn’t willing. You broke into the hallway of my building, then put a damn bag over my head. You took me to a car, leaving me panicking like a nobody. Then you put me in an icy room with a stranger. And all for what? To follow your stupid rules? You want me to say something? The only feeling I have is not excitement, it’s disappointment.”
I finish my tirade, catching my breath. Tucker clenches his fists, but it’s not his place to be angry tonight.
“In that building, Chase jumped Sanchez, and I thought he was going to kill him. Is that what you’re waiting for? A murder to satisfy your perverse need for adrenaline?”
I walk over to him, staring into his eyes. My breast touches his chest but I ignore the tingle that runs through me.
This traitorous body doesn’t care about my anger. She wants a much more carnal connection.
“Life is too precious for some stupid people to play with,” I continue. My voice starts to shake, and I hate it. “I almost lost my life once, Tucker. I refuse to try it again just to prove to a bunch of idiots that I’m a fighter.”
I finally said everything that was on my mind and, my God, it felt good!
“Never mind,” I sigh at his silence.
But Tucker doesn’t let me take a step. He moves closer to me and tilts his face so it’s level with mine. His fingers grasp my cheeks. “What happened to you?” he whispers softly.
I won’t answer. I’ve said what I had to say. It’s over.
Just as I think he’s going to try again to find arguments to counter mine, he simply whispers, “I’m sorry I acted like a jerk. I followed the stupid rules I’ve imposed for the past two years, thinking I’d be okay seeing you locked up in there.”
I stare at him, my mouth wide open.
“And I wasn’t. I hated every second of it. I hated putting you in a team with Sanchez. I hated seeing you arrive hand in hand.”
I feel his breath against my lips but I remain impassive, trying to hold steady.
“And I hate the way you look at me now,” he whispers against me.
I get lost in his eyes for a moment.
“I know you’re not like the others. I hate that, but it’s the truth.” Tucker puts his hand on my upper arm, gently.
“Is everything okay?” interrupts someone behind him.
Tucker mumbles a curse word as I pull away from him. Sanchez smiles casually, but I can see dozens of questions dancing in his eyes.
