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Tucker
Sitting against the stone of Debbie’s grave, I take another sip of beer. The can is empty so I send it waltzing away, not caring about anything. I’m drinking like a fish, in the middle of the night. I’m sinking, and I don’t know what to do to get my head above water. The one person who was helping me not to drown is no longer in my life. All because I pushed her away, like a moron.
I sent her packing, I told her to get out of my sight, I left her because I’m just a fucking loser. If I couldn’t take care of my sister, how could I do it with her? How can I be happy when Debbie is in the ground? I don’t deserve it.
While I was having fun with Iris, she fucking died. She died and I wasn’t there. And it’s eating me up, it’s destroying me completely. I don’t want to destroy Iris, I don’t want to drag her down with me, drag her down into the darkness. She deserves to be happy.
Something runs down my cheek. I touch my skin with my forefinger and wipe away the single tear that runs down.
I think back to our conversation. She told me she fucking loved me. Her little body was pressed against mine, and I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to tell her the same thing, but my mouth couldn’t say it. I couldn’t think. All I could think about was suffering alone and pushing her away so she wouldn’t suffer with me.
My phone rings, pulling me out of my thoughts. It’s Dan. I don’t have time to greet him when he tells me, in a voice from beyond the grave, “Meet me at the cottage on the old Littleton Road. Iris is with me.”
His tone makes my blood run cold. I don’t recognize him at all. A bad feeling is rising in me. I haven’t heard from Dan since Debbie died because he wouldn’t talk to me. And now he calls me to tell me that he is with Iris, in that old abandoned cabin where we used to go hunting with our fathers? Something is wrong, I feel it. Many assumptions come to me, but I refuse to believe them. Dan is my best friend…he would never hurt her, not when he knows what she means to me.
“What did you do?” I murmur between my lips.
“I wanted to hurt you like you hurt me,brother.”
He spits out the word like an insult before hanging up.
52. Love
Tucker
I’ve never driven so fast in my life. The minutes are going by too fast and the miles too slow, damn it! I pass an old van that moves like a snail. I nearly graze its side mirror and the driver honks at me, but I ignore him, stepping on the gas a little more.
Worry consumes me as the questions loop in my head. I’d like to tell myself that everything is fine, that Dan is with Iris in that old shack, just…talking. But I know it’s much more serious. Something’s going on…something’s not right.
He said he wanted to hurt me like I hurt him. What is he talking about?! I’m hurting as much as he is right now. I have lost my sister and I feel that I am losing Dan, who’s like a brother to me. I can’t lose the woman I care about too. Not now.
I arrive five minutes later at the old cottage on the road to Littleton. I immediately recognize Dan’s Dodge parked a few feet away. Memories come flooding in, and I see us coming here with our respective fathers.
My muscles tense as I stop and get out of my car, leaving the door open while my eyes slowly get used to the darkness. I find Dan smoking a joint in front of the old shack, staring at me. His eyes are black, his eyebrows furrowed. I see the pure hatred in him.
No more sadness, only anger…directed at me. I’m discombobulated for a second, but I move towards him with a determined step as he takes a few steps in my direction, too.
“What the hell is this shit?” I spit out right away. “Where’s Iris?”
He throws his joint on the ground, looking at me with disgust. I don’t have time to think, all I can think about is her—whom I apparently failed to protect from all dangers as I had hoped.
“Let’s play a little game,” Dan begins in a gentle voice.
“I don’t want to get into your bullshit, I just want my girl back.”
My angry tone doesn’t seem to get to him. He even seems to be enjoying himself. “I was sure you were going to come and rescue her like a perfect little dog. But it’s too late, Tucker, you’ll understand what it feels like to have the woman you love taken away from you. You’re going to suffer like I suffered when you let Debbie down.”
I stand still, frozen in place. “‘Let Debbie down’?! You better shut up before I really lose it.” I say.
I try to walk around him to the cabin, wondering if Iris is really inside because I don’t hear any noise. I glance over at Dan’s car but she’s not in it. Maybe she doesn’t want to see me? Considering the way I treated her, that would be possible. But no, I think it’s much more serious than that.
“Where is Iris?! Iris, are you in there?!”
No answer.
“She is with Sanchez.”
