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“Oh yes,” Beth agrees happily. “The babies will only slow us down.”
With an offer like that, how could I refuse?
I grin and wave goodbye. “I’m looking forward to it.”
18
Jude
Standing in the garage, I have to make a decision. Do I use the bike or the SUV?
Considering it, I jingle the keyring in my pocket.
It’s not too hot that I’ll stifle in the helmet, and I’m also on a bit of a time crunch to get to confession.
Grabbing the helmet off the workbench, I slide it over my head and feel myself grinning the widest grin I’ve ever grinned.
She loves me.
I’ve never been told by another person that they love me.
Never in all my years.
I doubt my parents ever uttered the phrase to me as a child. I was simply an attachment to their lives that was required by societal norms. White house, picket fence, a child, and a retirement savings account. Living the American dream, I suppose. Even if they were colder than dead fish to each other.
Backing the bike out of the garage, I kick the engine over and listen to the deep thrumming of its power vibrating between my legs. It’s like I’ve strapped myself onto a rocket.
Nodding my head to the security team sitting in my driveway, I roll down the drive then out onto the street.
In my memories, I search for a time when I saw my parents showing any emotion besides indifference. None come to mind. Even the times my father’s indiscretions would come to light. There was never an emotion beyond reproach for causing embarrassment to their names.
I don’t think I ever saw my parents kiss, not once. Surely that had to have done so to produce me, but the more I think about it, the more I’m convinced I was conceived by artificial insemination.
The touch of Eden’s lips when I said goodbye set a fire to my very core. The howling voices in my soul finally feeling something akin to warmth.
I love you.
Three simple little words.
Three words that hold so much power behind them.
She broke something apart when she said those words to me in the shower. She broke something inside of me. I don’t even know what it was that broke, only that a dam burst and the words came out of my mouth in return.
Just the thought of uttering those words to someone terrifies me and all but silences the voices that have long been my companions through life.
Pulling my wrist back on the throttle, I hunch down a bit as I feel the bike sprint hard and fast up the on-ramp to the highway. If I could get the bike’s speed to match the rate of my heart, I’d surely crash and burn in a fiery death.
Moving through traffic, I try to silence all the words running through my brain. I try to focus on the feelings running through my chest.
It’s warmth and something I can’t put my finger on.
I’ve tried multiple times since I heard her speak those words.
But I simply can’t understand the feelings in my chest.
I know that I love her in return… but is that enough for her?
Is there something more I could do to prove my love to her? To prove my absolute devotion to her alter?
