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I will, though, if I have to.
~
The bright sun hits me like a bitch. I rub my eyes and look around the dusty old wasteland, trying to get my vison straight from all the dark. Must be late afternoon now. That’s one fucking day I’ll never forget. I can’t even say I didn’t enjoy it. After a while, and with nothing but the sound of screams and Abel haunting my back, everything slid just where it should.
I sneer and take another swill of Jack from the bottle I’m holding. Funny how quick someone can turn bad and feel it in their soul. I didn’t even want to finish when Shaw hauled the last one away from me. I wanted to get better at it – prove myself. The fucking C was off, ‘cause the bitch moved, and that interfered with my headspace. Grip’s wrong on the branding iron, too. Maybe it wasn’t for him, but it damn well is for me, and this is my job now. It's bad enough that I've got a damn copy of his car, short of the colour.
Keys in the ignition of this Mustang and I drive out of the place with zero fucking sympathy for any of those girls back there. I knew this shit would come through me like a wrecking ball in demolition mode. And I fucking told Mariana that. I made damn sure when we were down by the pool – made a fucking point of letting her know. You can’t put men like me with men like Abel and expect me to behave. He’s exactly what I need to turn sour as fuck, and if I don’t learn to get some kind of handle on that she’s gonna bear the brunt.
Dust and gravel kick out around me, as I steer up onto the main roads towards her at speed. This man I am now isn’t who she knows, and he sure as hell doesn’t want to play nice with any woman at the moment. He wants to hold, to force, to control and fuck harshly. And, no matter how much I’m trying to ease down from that, the fact is she’s gonna have to find a way to help me through it. She brought this, after all; part created it. And yeah, I wouldn’t have it any other way because I’m so far in love with her I can’t fucking breathe without her, but that doesn’t mean we haven’t got some fights coming because of it.
The eventual sight of her leaning on her Aston out back of some mall I’ve agreed to meet her at, doesn't sway where my head’s at. She’s fine as hell, and nothing like I’ve been holding all day, but some money and a pretty face isn’t changing what I’ve just done or how I feel because of it. Wherever my head is, it’s closer to fucking animal mode than rational human behaviour.
I pocket my hands to keep them away from her, as I approach, watching closely to see what attitude she’s about to bring at me. Luckily, she smiles and comes in soft and sweet.
“Hey you,” she says. “How was your first day?”
“Interesting.” For the women, and my own self of sense. “Where are we heading?”
“Well.” She reaches for my shoulders and gets in closer, letting her body rest against mine. “We’ve got appointments.”
My hands stay in my pockets. “For what?”
“Kai?”
“Yeah.”
“Touch me.” I frown and look down at her face. “Hands out of your pockets and touch me. We knew this would come, and staying where your head’s currently at isn’t what you asked me for.” I pull one hand out and put it around her waist loosely. “Well, now, that’s plain bullshit. Both please.” The other one joins in. Still loose. Still wary of what might happen if I grip on. “I love you,” she says, quietly.
A sharp breath pulls into me, and I look over her head at the surrounding space. “Yeah. I love you, too.”
“More than you know, Kai.” The loose hold on her I’ve got starts tightening, and the frown I’m wearing eases a little. “You know, maybe one day we can take that trip to Europe you were talking about. Just you and me and the sights.” My hand crawls up her back to her neck, and I press her head in tighter. “But until then, we need somewhere to live, don’t you think?”
“Guess so.” I’m not thinking about where we’re going to live. I’m thinking about the screams that keep echoing in my head. More importantly, I’m fucking enjoying the sound of them. Tie that in with the goddamn branding iron that’s not weighted right and I’m ready to go back there, get it, and learn how to rework a new one.
“So, we’ve got three places to look at.” She leans back away from me and puts her hands on my chest. “Are you cool enough to do that now?”
“Maybe.”
“Okay. Shall we leave my car here?”
“Yeah.”
The drive is less manic with her beside me. I think more about where I am physically rather than where I’ve been, and after a while of her talking, I start easing down to where I should be. Fuck knows what she’s been talking about, but the eventual sound of her giggling brings me somewhere near the real world around us. Her hand is on my thigh, and my fingers are over hers. Should be right. It isn't. Not yet.
Some woman meets us at a property and shows us around it. It’s big, with landscaped lawns and a pool out back. Smaller than Mariana’s place, but still as expensive looking. I couldn’t care less for it. Too showy. She must notice that about me because she says her thank yous, but it’s a firm no to the woman, and then we’re on to the next place.
I’m not happy about that one, either. Too exposed, with nothing in the way of security. Doesn’t matter how much the guy showing us around talks about getting security installed as far as I’m concerned. She'd be safer where she currently is. It's not like I even give a fuck at the moment, anyway.
“Are you going to speak at all?” she asks, as we peel out the driveway.
“About what? It’s gonna be your house. Your money.”
"Our house. Our home."
I focus on the road, nowhere near ready for conversations about decor or furnishings. "Just do whatever the hell you want, Mariana. Maybe get out of my head for a while, yeah?"
“Hey, fuck you.” I scowl and slam the brakes on, screeching us to a halt.
