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Bran opens the car door, and I slip in. It’s a silent ride to my doctor’s office on Madison Avenue, ten minutes away from my apartment building.
My doctor is a pale, red-haired woman. “Nice to see you, Gigi.” She turns to Bran, stretching her hand out and inviting us to sit on the leather chairs in front of her desk. “I’m Doctor Ross. Nice to meet you.”
I take a seat beside Bran, feeling weirder by the minute. I was certain that I would appreciate Bran being here, but it starts to feel familiar. Toofamiliar, especially as Dr. Ross starts taking notes after asking us questions about ourselves and our sex life.
“We’re not together anymore,” Bran says easily, as though he’s used to these kinds of situations. “But we had sex for the last time two months ago.”
Even with the confusion brimming in the pit of my belly, there’s still a hint of arousal inside me when I think of our lovemaking.
“I think that’s all,” Dr. Ross says, a full grin on her face as she rises to her feet. “We can go do the ultrasound now.”
The ultrasound,I think, a fresh wave of tension taking me by surprise. I spent the last two months angry at Bran and mad at myself. I almostforgot that there is a baby growing inside me.
But after today, I won’t be able to push it aside anymore.
Just three months ago, the thought of getting together with someone and having a child was too terrifying to even think about.
And now…
Dr. Ross leads us to the exam room. Bran waits outside as I undress behind the screen, slipping on a hospital gown. A nurse tucks me into the bed just as Bran comes out from behind the screen with Dr. Ross.
“This might feel a little cold,” she says, inserting an ultrasound wand into my vagina. She turns on the ultrasound monitor and starts to fiddle with it.
I stare at the screen, my heart thumping in my chest. My nervousness is increasing with every passing second.
The screen suddenly comes on. “Oh!” Dr. Ross says. “Look what we have here.”
I squint at the screen. It’s a blur of grey lines.
“I’m going to enlarge it,” she says, as though noting my confusion. She twiddles the buttons even more.
And then, I see it. A peanut-sized something.
My heart seizes. I’m unable to do or say anything.I barely notice Dr. Ross grinning at me or Bran’s pressure around my hand.
“Coming along nicely,” Dr. Ross says. “A little tiny now, but it’s going to grow each week.”
I stare at the screen, silent and in awe, my worries melting away.
That’s my child.Something I created out of love.
But my throat feels tight.
I’ve been confused. I thought of the pregnancy as an ordeal, as something to figure out one way or another.
But now I feel different. Happiness is too lame a word to describe it. A lot of things make me happy—journalism, writing articles, and having sex withBran.
This wasn’t just happiness.
I feel pure joy, probably for the first time in my life.
Tears sting my eyes, and they roll down my cheeks. My parents wereright, after all. Everything about this pregnancy has been difficult. But love makes things simple.
I don’t just get to have this child. Iwantto have this child.
“Do you want me to take a picture?” Dr. Ross says after a few moments of silence.
I open my mouth, but Bran gets there first.
