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I shrugged. That was a loaded question. There was one person who had been particularly interesting and I could still feel the ghost of his lips on mine. I fought the urge to lift my hand to my lips to soothe the sudden tingle.
“It was okay. I met–or re-met, I guess?–a lot of cool people.”
She smiled and scooted over to lean her head against my shoulder.
“But,” I said cautiously. “You didn’t stay up just to ask me about the party, did you?”
She hesitated, going completely still against my shoulder before reluctantly raising her head with a sigh.
“Susan and James called me.”
The usual anger flashed through me like a lightning strike at the mention of my useless parents.
“What did they want?” I could hear the coldness in my voice and I saw the sadness in Cassie’s eyes.
“Susan said she's been calling you. They miss you and wish you would come home for the weekend.”
I snickered. “Probably in need of a new refrigerator or something.”
“Or, maybe they just miss their daughter?” Cassie said softly. I could hear the hope in her voice. It was the same hope I used to feel as a kid. Hoping that this time things would change. But I knew better now.
Still, I knew how Cassie felt about my estrangement from my family. Her own parents had died when she was seven. It left her scarred in many ways. She lived with different family members as she grew up and it had been a struggle for her, to say the least.
But what she didn’t realize was how it felt to be mostly abandoned and forgotten. To have your parentschoosenot to be there for you. For them to decide they didn’t give a shit about you. I had to watch my peers in school as they were well cared for by their parents, while mine couldn’t even meet my most basic needs.
By senior year, I was mostly fending for myself while also having to provide for them. Too many times I was the one that paid the fucking rent or electricity bill. I was the one to put food in the refrigerator off of my low-paying jobs.
Finally, I figured out on my own how to get into and pay for college and left without ever looking back.
Cassie insisted I would miss them if they were gone from my life, but I didn't see how anything could be different because they had never really been a part of my life. Even now, they still leeched off me.
“You don't think it's time?” Cassie asked, turning around to face me.
“Time for what?” I really wasn’t in the mood for this conversation tonight. The only family I cared about anymore was the one I had built. But, I sighed to myself, Cassie was part of that family, so I did care about what she had to say.
She gave me a pointed look I refused to interpret.
“Time to forgive your parents? To finally let it go. Maybe try understanding them?”
I laughed darkly.
“Of course I forgive them. But forgiveness doesn't necessarily mean you forget what people did. It doesn’t mean you have to give them the power to hurt you again.”
“I know,” she said, her voice soft and somber. “I just hope you don’t regret not letting them back in.”
She dropped her head back on my shoulder and I rubbed her forearm.
“Can you at least promise to return their calls so they can quit blowing up my cell?”
“Yes, I’ll call them tomorrow and remind them they should only be calling you in a true emergency.”
Cassie sat up, suddenly energized, and crossed her legs.
“So, tell me about your night.” She reached for her mug of tea, clearly hoping for a good story.
I laughed. Truly, I loved Cassie, even all of her optimism, faith, and hope in people. We were a good fit and understood each other’s quirks and nuances.
I tried to think about how to describe the night, and I couldn’t help but think of Daniel and how his fingers felt digging into my hips. The bolt of electricity that had singed every brain cell I had when he leaned in and whispered. Even the thought of it afterwards left me with chills.
