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I thought I was alone out here, with everyone inside having a great time. But I was startled when I looked back and saw Ben had followed me and was standing at a very respectable distance away.
“I thought you ran out or something. You shouldn’t disappear on me like that,” he said, leaning against the rail, looking at the sunset. In this light, he looked so young. He was older than me for sure, but he wasn’told. It was truly impressive how much he had accomplished in a relatively short period of time.
“I’m a grown woman. I don’t need supervision.” I didn’t really mean to sound as snarky as I did.
“I know you are,” Ben simply acknowledged, letting a somewhat comfortable silence stretch between us. The pulsating beats from the party inside was distracting me a bit.
And we stayed like that for a while, just quietly watching the sunset. I knew he probably didn’t know how to approach the situation. I knew that he knew I was thinking about the fact that hedidtell me a couple of times that my reporting wasn’t up to respectable standards. I remembered what he told me. Yes, I was attention-grabbing, but I did it at the risk of being ridiculed, and I rejected his advice. I let my frustration get the best of me and didn’t listen to him, and when I actually was ridiculed, I couldn’t take it.
“I’m such a fucking piece of work,” I finally said out loud, trying not to let a warm tear fall down my chilly cheek. “I thought I was ready for this job. I mentally prepared for it and everything.” I stared out at the sky, briefly closing my eyes as I contemplated my life decisions.
“It’s the reason why I’m hard on any new hire, you know,” Ben said, resolutely looking away from me and staring at the fiery sun on the snow. “The world has been changing rapidly from the time I started. It’s harsher, more unforgiving.”
I scoffed, more so at how naïve I allowed myself to be than what he said. I actually appreciated that I wasn’t the only one he picked on like this.
“Tell me about it. Your friends certainly made sure I knew,” I snapped, not really trying to be vindictive. But as soon as I heard the words come out of my mouth, I definitely sounded spiteful.
Ben kept quiet for a bit, then turned to look at me. His eyes were incredibly bright in the low light.
“They’re not that bad. They’re alot, I agree, but it's a bit of their culture. They can just be a little blunt,” he rebutted. If it was true, they definitely were showing their culture tonight.
“I don’t know howyourworld works, but where I’m from, a place where people had to work hard in order to keep the lights on at the house, what they did to me back there was not very nice.”
I started to feel passionately about this, especially when I was in their territory.
“I know I don’t present the way you all do,” I swept my arm behind us. “I don’t wear that world-renowned Italian designer’s clothes because I can’t afford it. And if it weren’t for this job, I never would have been able to stay in thislavishhotel. I never would have gotten on that private jet and left the country for the first time.” I couldn’t stop the words as they continued to flow, my voice shaking uncontrollably as I let out all my frustrations.
“Olivia, please…” Ben pleaded, walking a few steps closer. But I put my hands up to stop him in his place.
“I don’t belong here, Ben. I think that’s been made clear. I don’t belong inyourworld.” My heart was heavy and a tear finally fell down my cheek. “Listen, I’m happy with the job. I’m happy for the experience, but please don’t lie to me by telling me I was respected there because I wasn’t.”
“Olivia…” Ben tried to reach out once more, coming closer, and this time I couldn’t stop him.
Quickly, I found my footing once more, and before he could reach out and touch me, I turned my body toward the railing so he couldn’t pull me in.
“God,sorry,” I muttered, wiping the tear away from my cheek. “I didn’t mean to get so personal, Mr. Oviatt. I apologize.” I kept my eyes focused directly on the Norwegian sunset.
Ben remained silent once more, letting me bask in the beauty of the view.
“I’m the one who should apologize,” he mumbled as he inched closer to me. I could feel the warmth of his body against my back. “I should have defended you.” From the corner of my eye, I saw him looking at me intently.
A rough, humorless chuckle escaped my lips.
“It's not up to you to defend me. I can defend myself.” But we didn’t talk about it any further. Somehow, both of us knew that enough had been said about it. At least for now.
“This place really is breathtaking.”
Ben simply hummed, but it wasn’t just in noncommittal agreement.
“I guess it’s alright,” he said finally, which made me absolutely bewildered. How could he be so unaffected by perhaps the most beautiful thing I had ever seen? That was so crazy to think about.
But all he did was look at me.
“You’re more beautiful,” he said in that dark, low tone that shot straight into my core.
I turned, but he was already walking back inside.
Oh, my god. It was goddamn cheesy, but lord did it do something to me inside.
