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Surgeons rushed onto the scene, taking over from the paramedics. Nurses pulled Elizabeth away, guiding her to the waiting area.
It was a terrible sense of déjà vu. Elizabeth remembered being in almost the exact same situation a couple of months ago, except then, it had been James’ blood covering her.
She resisted the attempts of one of the nurses to help her clean up. She didn’t want to leave the waiting area. If there was going to be an update on Alex, she wanted to hear it immediately. She couldn’t be in the shower when that happened.
Elizabeth didn’t know how long it was before James turned up. She flinched as her courage deserted her, leaving her unable to look at him.
“Lizzy, how is she?”
“I don’t know,” Elizabeth mumbled to James’ knee. “She’s still in surgery. I haven’t heard anything, but… it’s bad, James.”
“Lizzy, look at me.” Elizabeth reluctantly brought her eyes up to meet James’ gaze. “It’s not your fault. You know that, right?”
“It is,” Elizabeth whispered. “I’ve brought nothing but pain and trouble to your family. I’m a menace. I love her, and I killed her.”
If James was surprised by this confession, he didn’t show it. “You didn’t kill her. She’s strong. She’ll pull through this. You’ll see. Now, you should go and get cleaned up. I promise I’ll come and call you if there’s an update.”
Elizabeth nodded mutely. The blood was dry by now and cracking uncomfortably. She trusted James to get her the moment there was any news.
She shuffled to the showers, scrubbing herself until the blood was all gone and getting into borrowed scrubs. Nothing had changed when she got back to the waiting room. James was sitting where she had left him, his eyes boring a hole in the door where the surgeon would come out.
Elizabeth joined him. Neither of them spoke for a long time, except to assure each other that if it was bad news, they would surely know immediately.
It was the longest day and night of Elizabeth’s life.
In books and movies, they never really showed you just howlongsurgery took. Seven hours after they had taken Alex in, the surgeon finally appeared.
Elizabeth and James both jumped up. “Is she okay?” Elizabeth demanded.
“She is. She’s very lucky. We managed to repair the hole in her lung, and she’s stable for now in the ICU. She’s got a long road ahead of her, but I’m hopeful at this stage.”
The déjà vu was strong again, but this time, the feeling was one of relief. Of course, things could still go wrong, but at least for now, the news was good.
“Can we see her?” James asked.
“Of course. She’s still sedated and needs her rest, but I’ll allow a quick visit.”
James and Elizabeth followed the doctor, but Elizabeth found herself falling behind as her feet failed to keep up with them.
She wanted to see Alex more than anything, but she felt like she didn’t have the right. Alex was hurt because of her. Elizabeth would surely be putting Alex in more danger just by being around her.
Alex couldn’t afford to be put in more danger right now. She was strong and competent, but at the moment she was in no position to defend herself.
James and the doctor went ahead to the ICU while Elizabeth slowed to a halt.
She knew what she had to do. The question was, did she have the strength to do it?
As long as she was near Alex, Alex would be in danger. Alex would never sit idly by and let Elizabeth get hurt. She would defend Elizabeth with her dying breath if necessary—she had proven that much already.
There was only one way to protect Alex, and that was to stay away from her. If Elizabeth truly loved Alex, she would let her go.
Her knees gave out and hit the floor as the full realization hit her. She couldn’t ever kiss Alex again, or ever hold her close in those quiet moments between waking and sleeping. The pain was too much to bear, but she would have to bear it, because the alternative was unthinkable.
Elizabeth didn’t want to live in a world without Alex. Even if she couldn’t be with her, she needed to know that Alex was safe.
Alex would no doubt be unhappy at first, but she would get over Elizabeth and move on with her life. She would find happiness with someone else—someone better for her, who didn’t put her in constant danger even without meaning to.
“Excuse me, are you alright?”
