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Once home, I tell myself I’ll eat after I shower. I have no appetite, but I know I need to take care of myself. I take my time, allowing the steam and warm water to loosen my tense muscles. I opt for something easy tonight, defrosting some potato soup I stuck in the freezer a few weeks ago, and toasting a slice of sourdough.
I look over at the brown paper bag from the drugstore still sitting on my counter. It’s taunting me. I stare at it as I eat my soup, leaning against the opposite kitchen counter. At this point, taking the test is just a formality; I already know what it’s going to say. I know this feeling, because I’ve had it before. It wasn’t until this morning when I opened my bathroom cabinet and saw my tampons that I realized I hadn’t had a period this month. Between the sadness and depression over the last month, I was so preoccupied with distracting myself that I completely missed the signs. I thought I was sleeping more because I was sad, and I attributed my soupy stomach and lack of appetite to being upset about how things ended with Ranger.
I grab the pregnancy test, taking it into the bathroom with me. I pee on it, even though I know these tests are most accurate in the morning. At this point, I don’t think it’s going to make a difference. I’m three weeks late, and I already put two and two together when I went through my tracker app this morning. It must have happened when I had that food poising a few weeks ago. I assume when I threw up, I threw up my birth control pill, too. I wash my hands, leaving the test and walking to the desk in my den, pulling out a piece of paper to write out my feelings.
I owe it to Ranger to tell him, and as much as I know I’m taking the coward’s way out by writing him a letter, I can’t bring myself to see his face drop—to see the sadness and rejection once again like I saw at his house that night. Not now, not when I’m growing a life inside of me. If he can’t stomach the shame he feels by being in love with me, I can’t imagine the shame he’ll feel when he realizes he got me pregnant.
The way I see it, I’ve been given a second chance at being a mother, and I will do everything in my power to keep this baby safe and healthy. Even if I have to do it on my own—if Ranger decides after reading this letter that he doesn’t want to be involved—I will still give my baby the life he or she deserves.
I finish writing the letter, placing it in an envelope and walking to the bathroom to check the test. Just like I thought it would, it says:Pregnant.
I close my eyes briefly, bringing my hand to rest against my lower belly. “We’re going to be fine, baby. Your mama already loves you so much. I promise we’re going to be okay.”
I walk out to grab the letter and my purse, heading over to Ranger’s house. I know that since he’s at his parents’ house for his party, he won’t be home. I leave my car running when I arrive, slowly walking up to his porch and placing the envelope on his doormat.
I reach for my door handle when headlights turn down his driveway and I freeze. I debate running back up to the porch to grab the letter, but decide against it. That’s when I realize it’s not Ranger’s truck. A small red Jetta whips down the driveway, skidding to a stop before the door flies open and Paige pops out.
“Oh, heeeey, Dolly,” she says in her sickly-sweet voice.
“Hey, Paige. He’s not home, he’s at his going-awa—”
“Yeah, yeah, I know. I just came from there, actually,” she says with a Valley Girl inflection, closing her door and eyeing my sweatpants. “That’s kind of why I’m here, hoping to surprise him and all.”
“Ah,” I say, realizing that while I’ve been sick to my stomach and heartbroken, it seems Ranger has reverted right back to his old ways. “Well, hope he’s pleasantly surprised,” I say, not even attempting to hide my annoyed tone of voice as I duck back into my car and slam the door. She gives me a wave, cocking her head to the side with a big grin on her face. I throw the car into drive, pulling away before I’m further humiliated when he comes home and tries to explain things.
I grip the wheel, my eyes filling with tears and blurring the road in front of me as I begin to cry. I wipe at my tears furiously, sadness quickly turning to anger.
“This is the last time, Dolly,” I say to myself, “thelasttime you cry over Ranger Slade.”
16
RANGER
Iglance over my shoulder for the hundredth time, scanning the room quickly before turning my attention back to my cousin Axel.
“Like I said, I’m jealous Aiden gets to go to Texas with you guys. I’d love to go, but I just got promoted at the brewery, and honestly, I kinda think that’s where my future lies, not at the ranch.”
“Hey,” I reach out and grip his shoulder, “no shame in that. I know you enjoyed your summers with the cowboys, but we need part of the family to stay on the brewery side of the business, too. I know my dad wishes one of us would have.” I nod toward Decker, who approaches.
“Yeah, Dad is pretty happy that Adrienne is part of the legal team at Slade,” he says, referring to Axel’s sister, who makes up one-third of their triplet.
“Hey, Axel, missed you around the ranch.” Decker loops his arm around Axel’s shoulders. “Heard you just got a big promotion, though. Proud of you, man.”
“Thanks!” Axel smiles, his big grin and shy shrug of his broad shoulders a fascinating juxtaposition with his imposing frame. Out of all of us Slade boys, Axel and his brother Aiden are by far the largest, both 6’5” with a mop of blond hair. According to my dad, they look just like their dad—my Uncle Hudson—did at their age.
“Hey, champ.” Uncle Hudson approaches from behind, his hands coming to rest on my shoulders. “You excited to be a Texan?”
“Yeah, I think so.” I plaster on my best smile, but it’s hiding a mountain of sadness.
“Never thought I’d see a Slade move out of Colorado.” He laughs, and he’s right. I don’t think a single one of the Slades have left Colorado since they settled here over a hundred years ago. “You’ll be great, son, but I gotta say, I was a little surprised.”
“Why’s that?”
“I thought Deck would be the one heading down.” He nods toward Decker, who looks at me briefly.
“Yeah, guess it worked out better that I head down for now,” I say, trying to ease the tension.
“Well, we can’t wait to see what you do with our family name down there. We’re proud of you, son.” He shakes my hand then puts his arm around Axel as they both walk away from us.
