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The shame and regret that lingers in her gaze utterly destroys me. But I can’t just let her go. Not yet.
We breathe heavily against each other from the race down the stairs and the effort of our struggle, followed by a kiss. The feel of her petite, curvy form pressed against mine, reignites an intense craving deep in my belly, and I would love nothing more than to kiss the breath from her lungs.
But I push my physical response aside, forcing my mind to focus on what I need to say. Because now I’ve crossed a line, and I know it.
As I peer down at Bianka, she refuses to meet my eyes, her face stony as she turns it away from me, looking toward her escape.What is wrong with me?Not only have I hurt her and then imposed my presence upon her in class for a solid week. Now, I’ve physically restrained her, so she has to listen to me. God, sometimes I worry that I’m no better than my father. Still, I can’t bring myself to walk away.
“Please, just listen to me,” I beg.
While she refuses to meet my eyes, she at least isn’t cussing me out or screaming anymore, so I take that as my opportunity to say what I’ve been dying to tell her and never had the courage before.
“I’m sorry, Bianka. I never should have ghosted you. Kissing you that night–god, that was the best fucking kiss of my life. It’s haunted my dreams foryears. I didn’t want to hurt you, and I swear, you are anything but a game to me. I really like you–”
Bianka scoffs as she momentarily resumes her struggle, then quiets when she can’t break free. A single tear slides down her cheek, flaying my heart. And I almost let her go because I’m doing it again. Hurting her. Even if I’m handling her as gently as I know how.
“But, Bianka, I had to stay away from you. When my father overheard me talking to Lucca about you–how I wanted to take you on a date–he forbade me from seeing you,” I explain.
“That didn’t stop me when my brother said the same thing,” she snaps, her face twisting in anger. “And Ilya’s warning didn’t seem to stop you from kissing me. Why would your father be any different? You’re just saying that because for some reason I can’t possibly fathom, you’ve decided to dust me off and play with me again like some long-forgotten toy. Well, I’m not some fucking puzzle for you to fuck with whenever you get bored, Cassio.”
I swear Bianka could set fire to me with her eyes alone if she would look at me, but she still refuses to meet my gaze. Instead, she glares down the stairs as if willing her body to teleport there.
“I know that, Bianka. And I hate that I ever made you feel that way. But my fatherisdifferent. When he told me to stay away from you, he didn’t just insist it would be bad for the family. I could care less about that. But he threatened to have you kicked out of Rosehill. He said he would ban you from our territory, and I couldn’t….” My voice fails me as that same inner conflict bursts to life inside me, the one telling me I’m risking Bianka’s future, her happiness, by trying to pursue her.How selfish can one guy be?
But then Bianka’s eyes finally shift, her chin tipping up, so her deep sea-green gaze meets mine.
I shake my head and let it drop as I look at the floor. “I know how much you care about theater, and I know how much you want to go to Rosehill to become an actress. I also know my father. He wouldn’t hesitate to send you packing just to prove a point. So I stayed away. I didn’t know what else to do.”
The pain of having to watch her from afar for years ignites in me at the memory, and I swallow hard as I pause, letting that information sink in. Tentatively, I glance up to search her face, but it’s inscrutable.
“This semester, I finally came up with the brilliant plan to change majors, thinking I could at least be near you in class, even if I can’t date you like I’d hoped. But now I see what an idiot I’ve been, assuming you would just be happy I waltzed back into your life. I hurt you, and I amsosorry. Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?”
I peer deep into her eyes, hoping to find the answer there, but countless emotions flash behind them, making it impossible to decipher what she’ll say. She’s quiet for so long, I start to wonder if she’s not going to answer me at all.
Maybe my explanation doesn’t matter–I put it all out there, but she can’t forgive me. The thought pierces through me, obliterating my determination and hope as I realize that I’ve done all I can to make things right. If it’s not enough, then I need to accept that.
I have to let her go. For real this time.
Resigning myself to the fact that it’s too little too late, I release Bianka’s wrists and step back. “I know I should have told you before, but I wanted to make it right, now. Maybe you can’t forgive me, but I couldn’t give up without at least telling you the truth.”
7
BIANKA
Pinned to the stairwell wall, I widen my eyes in shock. My body’s on fire from every inch of physical contact, making my thoughts a muddle. I stand stunned by Cassio’s revelation, lips parted slightly in anticipation of a comeback that I can’t recall. I don’t know what to say. Cassio’s intense expression pierces my heart as he searches deep inside my soul–for what, I do not know.
It shocks me to learn that Ilya wasn’t the one who got to him, now that I know my first suspicion wasn’t too far off the mark. It fills me with an odd amount of relief to know my brother didn’t seek the twins out and tell them to stay away.
But it bothers me more than I would like to admit that Cassio’s father doesn’t want us together either. Somehow, having both of our families set against our relationship makes it feel that much more out of reach. And yet, not ten minutes ago, I would have been perfectly fine with that.
I also find it strangely chivalrous that Cassio would stay away from me for my education’s sake. He cares enough about me to put my dream ahead of his feelings. And while I want to beat him senseless for leaving me in the dark all this time, I can’t find a reason to distrust his words.
“You… want me to forgive you?” I gasp, forcing myself to say something–anything that might make sense.
The request seems so silly now that I know all he’s done for me. That he’s changed his major to be near me speaks volumes, and it moves me to know that he would so avidly protect my future while completely setting his own aside just to be in my classes.
“Please, Bianka,” he breathes, his silken plea sending a shiver up my spine.
It’s all too much to wrap my mind around. All I can do is stare up into his beautiful hazel eyes, refamiliarizing myself with that adorable pie-shaped brown freckle in one corner of his iris. I can see it now, the sincerity of his words. It lingers in his steady gaze as he watches me closely, his breath whispering across my skin.
