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Silence fell between us, though the air felt crowded with tension.
He blew out his breath and rolled onto his back. “Yes, I’ve started to look for a surrogate. Having a baby is part of my Crane legacy. A part of our inheritance depends on a child that would take over; it’s something my granddad set up. A male child or a female child’s male offspring.”
“Sounds sexist.”
“Amongst other things. Anyway, I’m not having sex with the surrogate. It’s all contracts and non-contact. I’m still debating if the chosen person will know she’s carrying my child. It bothers me that someone gossiped about my confidential information to you. I won’t ask who.”
I took a deep breath. But Paul already knew it was Isabelle.
“The surrogate will waive all rights and custody. It’s all business.”
“You don’t want to share a child?”
“I don’t. I know that sounds selfish, but I also don’t want a child someone can take away from me, raise with some other man, or with someone I could eventually hate.”
“It makes me sad that you’re so cynical about relationships. You’re only in your thirties. You could have a beautiful baby with someone you love.”
“I’m not making a lifetime commitment with someone who might not last. Besides, love isn’t something I’m looking for; I have you.”
I bit the inside of my cheek. His words cut me to the core. Just when I felt close, he shut me back out.
“Wait. I didn’t mean it that way—”
I started to move away from him. “It’s fine. Let’s go to sleep. I’m really tired.”
“Come back over here.” Paul tugged me closer to him, molding his body against mine.
“I care deeply for you, Nadia—”
“It’s fine.”
“No, it’s not. You’re hurt, and I apologize. I don’t want to minimize how important you are to me. I’ve never felt so much so soon. Things are moving at breakneck speed without brakes. You have me out of my mind….”
You’re doing the same to me.
“I didn’t think I could love again, but maybe I can.” His voice was a soft whisper.
Paul said he’d never love again and thought it wasn’t possible. But now, he changed his mind, and that gave me hope.Or I’m hearing what I want to hear?
His hands massaged my stomach. What if I am pregnant?There could already be a clause in my contract that waived my rights to a child he fathered.It’s well overdue that I look at the contract I signed for this possibility…not that I am.My stomach twisted with dread, and I felt more nauseous than before.
Paul pressed a kiss to the back of my neck. I loved these tender moments. But he was clear.“Love isn’t something I’m looking for; I have you.”Somehow, I had to harden my heart, so his physical affection didn’t make me believe his heart was invested.
There were narcissus blossoms in a vase next to the bed. They were in bloom at Versailles when I was there.
There is a myth that says if you give narcissi to a lover, it means you are giving yourself to one. You gave up so much to give us a chance. How could I not be willing to do more? Let’s enjoy our new beginning.
Yours,
Paul
I smiled and took a selfie holding the flower and sent it to Paul.
He wanted to start over, and so did I. He agreed to give us a chance. A new relationship could be as toxic as the daffodil flower, but there was something beautiful that could come when you willingly gave in to happiness.
I headed to the door to Ben, who was downstairs waiting to take me to classes. My phone rang just as I reached the elevator.
“Did you like the picture?”
