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The concept of him washing my hair was so unexpected I almost laughed, but my lip trembled instead. Not many had showed me a lot of genuine kindness over the years. Fane didn’t like me. I’d killed his brother and stopped him from getting the Infernal Sol. He had to bite me to save my life. He had to be close to me, share a mental link with me, and break me out of Karn’s hold.
Fane needed to keep me alive to recover the demon amulet—for whatever mysterious reasons he had—but he didn’t have to be kind. He didn’t have to keep me from falling apart. He didn’t need to stay in the shower to watch over me or wash the blood from my hair.
My breath hitched as tears poured down my cheeks, mixing with the water. The hell I’d been through in the Underworld crashed over me, mingling with the memories Karn’s stone dredged up. Anguish tightened around my heart until it wanted to crack and dissolve into dust. Or maybe the pressure would turn it into a diamond, too hard for anything to penetrate.
Fane quietly spread conditioner through my hair as a few sobs I couldn’t contain leaked out. His body heat warmed my bones more than the hot water. After he rinsed the conditioner, he grabbed a loofa, coated it in soap, and carefully smoothed it over my back, legs, and arms. Now he’d seen all of my scars. If he’d seen enough of my nightmares, he’d know what had caused each blemish.
But did he know I’d also inflicted my own pain onto others? Had he witnessed me brutally robbing Griffin of his life during that fight? Would he treat me with such kindness if he knew just how fucked up I really was?
His brother wasn’t the first to provoke the violence lurking inside of me.
“I killed a human before those two at Karn’s.” Even though my voice was barely more than a whisper, Fane heard it, and the loofa paused between my shoulder blades. I needed him to know so he could decide if I was worth his compassion. “I’d just turned sixteen and beat a guy to death.” My head lowered into my hands, and I breathed through the pain consuming me.
The loofa moved again before Fane spoke. “Did he attack you?”
A strangled laugh slipped out. “We were just two opponents in an illegal fight. I figured getting busted up in the ring for money was better than selling myself and having some disgusting john do it. I was really good. That’s why Remy paired me with Griffin that day. I’d already beat all the females on the roster.”
Fane gripped my shoulder and gently spun me toward him. His expression remained blank except for the nearly invisible line between his brows. “What happened?”
“He said something about this kid I’d been looking after. A girl.” My fingers curled into fists so tight they trembled. “He threatened to…” I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter. I shouldn’t have snapped.”
The crunch of Griffin’s bones echoed in my ears, colliding with his screams. A bitter aftertaste spilled over my tongue. “He begged me to stop, but I was so angry that he would consider doing that to her. I had to keep him from hurting her any way I could.”
Hot and cold descended over me, and my knees shook as the memories of that day flooded in. So much blood, just like now.
Death followed me. Or maybe I was just his harbinger.
“I’m a monster, Fane.” The words came out stilted and choked through my sobs. “And I’m being punished for the deaths I’ve caused and the ones I couldn’t prevent.”
Fane tossed the loofa back on the shelf, soap suds running down the wall, and he gripped my face. “We’re all monsters, Tate. The only thing that matters is why you became one.” His hands lowered to the circular scars spotting my ribs. “Surviving and protecting others doesn’t make you like the beasts that gave you these. It doesn’t make you like the supernatural monsters you’ve fought since joining the ravens either.”
“I still deserve to be punished.”
A low growl rippled through Fane as he shook his head, his mouth opening to argue. But he knew nothing he said would shatter my belief, so he pulled me into him and let me fall apart in the safety of his embrace. The floodgates opened, and sobs poured out, my tears blending with the water running over us. His hold tightened as I trembled, and I buried my face against his scarred chest, trying to shut out the rest of the world and all the nightmares scraping against my mind.
ChapterThirty-Eight
I hadno idea how much time had passed when Fane finally shut off the spray and pulled me out of the shower. He wrapped me in a soft towel, rubbing my arms as if he knew how cold I was on the inside.
Would I ever be warm again?
The same pain I tried to bury reflected in his eyes, and the claw marks and scars around his heart and running across his chest seemed more prominent. His life had been as lonely and agonizing as my own. We were two creatures from opposite worlds, but we shared much more than I thought possible.
Fane twisted a towel around his waist, water dripping from his wet hair onto his shoulders. “I’ll be right back.”
I remained in the same spot, staring at the gray tiles as he fumbled around in the bedroom and returned with a t-shirt and a pair of women’s underwear.
“Where did you…?” I waved my own question away. At this point, I was just thankful to have clean panties.
Fane helped me into the soft cotton t-shirt that smelled like him, and I handled the underwear on my own as he slipped on a pair of sweatpants. Neither of us spoke while he bandaged some of my more severe injuries with gauze. They’d heal, but I’d rather not bleed all over the place.
“Thanks,” I muttered as we left the bathroom.
He pulled down the green and black covers on the bed. “Get some sleep, Tate,” he whispered, his voice a rough caress in the shadows.
He’d said my first name twice tonight.
Before I could stop myself, my fingers wrapped around his wrist. “Stay with me.”
