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“No thanks,” I say as Valerie finally snaps. She grabs me in a choke hold and starts tugging at my clothes while trying to shove brightly colored atrocities on me.
“August! She’s murdering me! A murder is happening before your very eyes!”
August gives me a huge smile. “I love how well you two get along.”
God, he’s dense. This is not getting along. This is life or death. This is my demise. My imminent death… or Valerie’s.
I mean… no one would notice if I accidentally offed her… would they?
She manages to rip my shirt open by maiming the buttons and sending them flying. One smacks August right in the face, making him jerk back and leaving a red mark. I have nothing on underneath so now it’s just my blinding white flesh on display as a man peeks in at us and goes, “We’re ready for you.”
I slip free of Valerie and assess the open chest look. “Huh… Valerie, you’re right. I do look better. August, do I toss in a nipple peek or is that too much?” I ask as I puff my chest out.
“It’s just right,” he assures me.
“Thanks, Valerie!” I say as I hurry off while she looks at me in horror.
“No! Landon! Please!”
“I’m sorry, ma’am, only those two are allowed back,” the man says, stopping her as I strut off with my belly button and single chest hair on display.
“Oh! I almost forgot,” I say as I pull a plain black mask out of my pocket and pop it on Zacia before picking her up. “We can’t have anyone identifying her, you know?”
August reaches over and scritches under her chin. “Of course not.”
We are pranced out onto the stage where some TV hosts await us with big smiles on their faces. The female host looks far too eager for this situation, which makes me decide that I already don’t like her. Fake happiness is even more dreadful than regular happiness.
We’re ushered over to a couch where I’ll at least get to sit next to August.
“Oh, we are so excited to have you two here today. Aren’t we, Craig?” she asks.
“Oh, Hannah, this is the best thing that has ever happened to us,” he says.
“Don’t you have a kid?” I ask Craig.
“I… do.”
“Wow, I feel bad for that kid if this is the best thing that’s happened to you,” I say with a grimace.
He gives me this fake laugh of horror.
The female host is quick to save him before I can make him a bit more miserable. “Leviathan, we are just so thrilled to have you on the show with us today,” she says as she goes in for a hug, which I fail to reciprocate before sitting down.
I hate this stuff so much. Why do I have to do it? Why do I have to be involved in stuff that is literal torture to me? Why does absolutely no one, besides August, care what I wantever?
She hugs August far too long before letting him sit down next to me.
“How are you both doing today?” she asks.
“We’re doing well,” August says, saving me from having to answer like a true gentleman. “And you two?”
“Just splendid!” Hannah says.
“That’s lovely to hear,” August says. He always takes on this false voice and fake mannerisms during things like this. Honestly… I think he got so used to being fake all the time that it bled into his real life, forcing him to feel like he always had to be “on” and could never just relax… smile… and be happy.
But not anymore. Now the only time I see him plastering on that fake smile is during times like this. And while I wish I could get him to change even that and feel free to be himself at all times, I know it’s a slow process.
“So, Leviathan, there are whispers that you’re in the works of being a full-time superhero.”
