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“I am no angel, Vinny.” I looked up at him through my thick eyelashes. I couldn’t ignore the euphoric feeling of saying his name out loud. I guess he was no longer my client and a free man. I might as well flirt back. He licked his lips and held his bottom lip between his teeth, which made me so turned on in the middle of a police car park, that it should have been illegal.
“I didn’t think you were. But I am no angel either,” he lifted his hand and grabbed my ponytail in his fist, pulling it down and forcing my face up to his. I gasped as my lips parted and breathing hitched from the look of desire in his eyes.
“You don’t scare me,” I whispered, keeping my eyes locked with his.
“Then why can I feel your heart beating so fast?” he husked, lowering his face and brushing his lips lightly against mine. My eyes fluttered shut and then opened again when he pulled back. I wanted more.
“Because I want you to kiss me.”
His chest heaved up and down in laboured breaths at my words and his expression was so serious and brooding, it made me want to moan.
“If I kiss you angel, no one else will ever kiss those lips again.”
I stared up at him as I realised what meaning his words held. He would claim me. Never allow me to be with another man. And for some reason, I knew they weren’t just words. He meant them. I did the only thing I had ever been so sure of in my life.
I kissed him.
Staring back at my reflection in the mirror thirty years on, I couldn’t bear to look at myself. I did this. I slept with both Vinny and Sal within the same week and by the time I found out I was pregnant I was head over heels in love with Vinny and I freaked out. The baby could have been either of theirs but as I had only had sex with Sal one night, I hedged my bets on Gio being Vinny’s. Sal of course has never dropped it. He has convinced himself from the moment he heard I was pregnant that the baby was his.
I refused to acknowledge it as a possibility. For the first year or two of Vinny and my relationship, Sal made my life hell. He would pester me and constantly try to get me alone. Tell me he loved me at any chance he got. That he would give it all up, this life, if I would run away with him. But I refused every single time. I loved Vinny. Vinny was the one I chose. I was always surprised that Sal hid what happened between us from Vinny. I think he liked that he and I had a secret together. I wanted to tell Vinny, but I knew it would rip the family apart. Vinny hated to think of me being with another man and it would have killed him if he had known I had slept with Sal even if it was before I had met him. So, I waited. Eventually, Sal stopped trying. When their father died and he became Boss, he threw himself into work and kept his distance from me. It was a huge relief. I knew the reason he paid special attention to Gio growing up and gave him special treatment compared to his other nieces and nephews was because a part of him believed he may have been his son, but we never spoke about it. He never brought it up. Not until today. Not until right now.
And now my dirty secret was out there. Sal had everything he wanted. Me. His son. The family. And what did I have left?
I opened the bathroom cabinet and stared at the pill bottles that contained my sanity. Grabbing them on impulse, I flicked the lids off and poured the pills down the toilet before flushing them away.
If Sal wanted me, he could have me. But I wasn't going to make it easy for him. He should be careful what he wishes for.
Deep Dive
Olivia
It’s been nearly two days since Sal dropped that bomb on Gio and I am starting to become really concerned about him. He has gone into a dark place in his mind and closed himself off completely to everyone, including me. He’s still there in body but there is a vacant and cold look in his eyes every time I speak to him. He is refusing to speak to Cecilia and find out what the hell all this means and how it could possibly be true. He is burying his head in the sand and refusing to deal with it. Instead, he has thrown himself back into work, his physio (which at least that is a good thing) and swimming. He barely slept last night and when I woke up at 5am he wasn’t in bed.
Sighing heavily as I gazed out of Sani’s bedroom window at him doing lengths in the pool which I am sure was against his doctor’s orders, I felt helpless. He was hurting and I had tried to be soft, patient and understanding. I have tried waiting for him to want to talk about this but how long was he going to push everyone away for?
“Olivia?” A nervous, vulnerable voice from the door caused me to spin on my feet to see Cecilia wearing a black floor length dress. She looked just as awful as her son did. The bags under her eyes showed her lack of sleep and the dullness of her usually vibrant skin was concerning. But again, it was her eyes that spoke volumes. They were only full of sorrow. I was starting to realise that all the Buccinis had that gift. They spoke with their big, brown eyes.
“Cecilia, hi. How are you doing?” I spoke softly as I walked towards her. I hadn’t seen her since that day in Gio’s office. She had locked herself away in her wing and said the only person she would speak to was Gio but of course he never went to see her.
She stared at me as if I had asked the most ridiculous question in the world.
“Sorry,” I sighed, “Of course you are probably feeling as shit as Gio is.”
Her dull eyes suddenly sparked with anger.
“I do not need you or anyone else telling me how shit I have made my son feel, thank you very much!” She snapped at me and I cowered back from the shock of her outburst. She had never raised her voice at me before. She had been stern and intimidating, sure. But never like this.
I didn’t move and continued to watch her carefully as she sighed loudly and ran one hand through her blonde hair, pulling at it slightly by her scalp. She was not acting herself at all but after everything, I suppose that wasn't a surprise.
“Sorry,” she muttered under her breath.
“No, I'm sorry Cecilia. I didn’t mean it to sound the way it did. I wasn’t blaming you, I- “
“You should blame me. This is all my fault,” The anger had dissolved and her bottom lip trembled with emotion. She was all over the place.
“Cecilia. Shall we sit down? The children are in the playroom with Marco and Cami and I was just tidying their bedrooms so I have time to talk if you want to?”
She looked around her youngest son’s room as if she suddenly realised where she was. She walked over to his bed and picked up his very loved teddy that he slept with every night and breathed it in before slumping down on his racing car bed. I strolled over to her and took a seat.
