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He let out a sigh. I could tell just by the look on his face that he didn't know why he'd come over. Or at least he didn't have the words planned out. That was an act of desperation, But not in the way most people would think. I found his desperation a little admirable. I saw it as him still trying to save whatever we had. But salvaging us wasn't going to work anymore. I also didn't have much to say, but I probably had more than he did. "You know as well as I do that there's no moving on completely until this is settled. You and I are in this together."
I shook my head while my heart rate increased. "I don't know if you're being manipulative, but I'm not in this with you anymore. I don't want anything to do with it, and I don't care who shows up at my doorstep. Yes, I pretended to be your fiancee. What would they want for me at this point?'
"To send a message to me? They want me dead. Or at least they want to break my legs. I don't know. But if they can't get to me, they will take you to send a message. It's simple."
I started to walk to my kitchen because I needed a drink. My mouth had become a desert. My emotions weren't helping the situation. He followed me into the kitchen. I wasn't surprised by that. "This seems like a problem for you. And hypothetically, I came with you and lived with you or whatever you want. What's being next to you doing anything for me? How long am I supposed to stay around you to feel safe? What's your plan for getting out of this hot water?"
Once again, I looked upon his face, and there was emptiness. He had no answer in his head. Everything that he was doing was impulsive. There was a bit of pity in me. Not for myself. For him.
"You have no idea about Tomaso, do you? But I have an idea. And I have a game plan. It surrounds me, making sure that I'm okay. And then I'm not fearful. I don't know what our future holds. Okay? But I need you to give me some space. I'm not afraid of any rival mafia family. I'm not part of this contract. And whether it's a lie or not, I am choosing to believe that I am no longer at risk. I will take whatever comes my way. And I don't need you by my side to do that. At least not right now."
Disappointment. That's what filled his face at that moment. All the muscles in his face softened. It was kind of like watching hope leave someone. "All right, Angelina. Maybe I made a mistake coming here today."
He walked out after that, and it was the first time throughout the interaction that I had a hint of regret fill my sternum.
When the door slammed, I was alone. It wasn't that I didn't feel anything. I felt a lot of different things toward Tomaso. It wasn't an easy situation for me. Even if throwing him out may have seemed that way to him. He had no idea how much it hurt me. He had no idea how much I wanted things to be normal, but the complexities only made things hazy. No matter what angle I looked at the situation from, I was screwed. The only thing that I could do was pretend and lie to myself that I wasn't screwed. So how could I have romantic feelings toward him when he was the root cause of everything?
This was what I was left with after he had gone. I had no idea what was going to happen moving forward. And with each passing second, I was on borrowed time.
It was a sentiment that I would have to live with until things blew over. And if they didn't blow over? Well, I would be in deep trouble. One thing was for sure, Tomaso and we were done.
Chapter 18
Tomaso
Myhandwasclenchedno matter what minute it was during the day. Maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration, but it was close to true.
Having Angelina shove me from her life was the final straw. I had really thought that I was going to salvage something. I thought I had a chance, and when I realized that I didn't, well, that was when it all came crumbling down. That was when I lost all my patience. I started to go into desperation when it came to my thinking. This was definitely a bad place to be.
I started the spiral while I was in my mansion. Pacing back and forth. Trying to figure out what to do, but nothing was coming to me. Well, there was one thing. I tried to push it to the back of my head as much as possible, but it kept coming up. And that led me to believe that maybe it was the right decision. Of course, it definitely was not. It was a decision that was kind of like the self-destruct button on a machine.
I sat down on my couch, and I really thought about it. And I'm talking. I spent some real mental energy on this plan of mine. Mine. Because I knew that if I was going to go there with my men or mention something like this, there was no turning back. And that was to plan an attack on the Vincenzo family.
Once I even brought that to the table, it would officially be war. They would take it as me being nothing but defiant. And I guess that's what I needed to be at the end of the day because I wasn't going to be a pushover. I had already lost someone who had meant the most to me. They had screwed it all up even though, in a weird way, they were the reason that Angelina and I had been together in the first place.
The next day, I was in my office with my men, and they all wore long faces, almost as though they knew why I had called him in there.
" We're going to attack those motherfuckers. Do you understand me? If they want to play games and Russian roulette with their lives, we will bring it to them. The time for standing down is done. The time for letting them pull the cards and control the chessboard is done."
When I looked across the room, the faces were mixed. It was clear that some were ready to go. And that was mainly the young guys. The older ones, I knew exactly what they were going to say. When they left the room. They were going to say that I was thinking with my pride. They were going to say that I was experienced and a leader. And I had to block them out no matter how much I respected them. Because, of course, I respected the old heads.
And, of course, I respected my father, who entered the room right after I gave my little hoorah speech. His face was stoned. His lips were pressed tightly together. His eyes were on moving. Call me crazy, but he was not impressed by my speech. I could tell he had a million different arguments for why I shouldn't pick a fight with family inventions. But, I had to say this. " Dad, before you say anything, they fought with us."
" Can you all excuse us?" My father said...
At that moment, I felt like a little boy. I can feel myself preparing to get scorned. He most likely would not speak to me like I was ten years old again. But whatever he was going to say, it wasn't going to be fun.
" Are you crazy? Do you have a death wish?" He asked me.
I turned around with my hands on my hips. It was easier to not look at him while we spoke. It kept my head clear. " What's the alternative, Dad? Let them keep coming after me? Should I tuck my tail between my legs and let them kill me?"
A pause filled the room. I filled it with my own assumptions. I tried to predict what my dad would say, and I knew.
"You know what the alternative is, son."
That time I looked at him. His eyes were cold yet sympathetic. Even without him telling me what it was, I knew. But it didn't hurt to reiterate it. "You want me to marry Linda? I have not seen this woman since it all started. You want me to tuck my tail between my legs and marry this woman I don't love. Is that it? Dad?"
"You know that would solve everything. You know they would get off your back if you did that because it would show humility."
