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" What the hell were you doing leaving? You can't be leaving by yourself. Are you out of your goddamn mind? You could have been killed."
His voice was the angriest I had ever heard it. His lower lip was trembling in between his words. His face was filled with red. I was actually kind of scared. Because I was scared, my natural defense mechanism was to get argumentative.
"You watch how you speak to me. Neither of us would be in this situation if not for you."
He had a look on his face as though he was formulating his response, going over numbers in his head or situations. "You're the one that signed the contract too. No one held a gun to your head. You could have walked at any point. You changed your life by signing that paper. You knew what you were getting into."
How things change. One day he's singing one song, and then the next, he's singing an entirely different genre. It was disappointing and put a pit in my stomach. I didn't want to see him in a bad light. I really wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. Sure, it was an unprecedented situation, but it was his unprecedented situation. I didn't need to be called out at that moment. I thought he and I were supposed to be a team. Forgive me for thinking that he and I were in it together.
"Yeah, and as I signed on that stupid dotted line, you assured me that all I had to do was play your little fiance, and I would be kept out of the line of fire. But now, suddenly, I should have known what I was getting myself into. He's sweet. Talk me into believing I would be okay, and now I can't leave this house. What do you think about that? What's your comeback for that?"
He started pacing back and forth. His eyes were nowhere near mine. " You think I like worrying about you? You think I liked being in this mansion just now worrying that you were dead?"
" Why do you worry about me if I'm such a pain in the ass?"
" I never said that you were a pain in the ass."
" Well, you're treating me like one. You're treating me like a child that doesn't know any better. I didn't ask for any of this, and still want to feel like a human being. I don't want to be cooped up in a mansion worrying about when there's going to be a bullet flying through the window."
He clenched his jaw and gave me a measured look. The only positive thing about my interaction with him was that I felt alive. And despite the tension, I felt safe in his presence. Gone was that moment of fear. As mad as I was at him, I was still happy to be with him. It made no sense to me, but it made all the sense in the world at the same time.
We had this little standoff. He was looking into my eyes with angry passion. And I was looking into his eyes with that same angry passion. But, it was a little reserved. I guess I didn't want to be mad at him. I wanted us to be copacetic. Of course, that wasn't going to be possible with our situation. I was a fool to think otherwise.
" You're right." Tomaso started. " You shouldn't have to look over your shoulder and live in fear. I should have never come to you with this contract idea or roped you into this world. No one should be roped into this world. No one should even know that it exists. Our relationship is fake. And you should not live in fear because of a fake relationship."
I couldn't tell whether or not he was being genuine. All I could do was hope that he wasn't. Because those words stung. Those words stung beyond belief. Did he really just look at us as having a fake relationship? I almost wanted to cry. I wouldn't allow myself to do that, though. The last thing I would do was give him that much satisfaction. To me, our relationship was everything but fake. There was something there. Did I imagine it all? Did he really not feel anything for me? And was it all an act? I shouldn't have been standing there. Thinking about those things. Again, All I wanted was for us to be a team. And suddenly, any prospects of that were out the window.
We didn't say anything to one another after that. He hurt my feelings, and I think he knew that. Or at least I hope he knew that. I stayed in the bedroom, and he stayed downstairs. We only saw one another when I went to the kitchen for food. I wished that it didn't have to be that way. Because at the moment when I felt scared, I wished that I had someone.
I had this foolish hope that at some point in the evening, Tomaso would come upstairs, gently knock on my door and apologize. I imagined us cuddling after that. This fantasy replayed in my mind repeatedly while prompting me to look at the door like a fool. I could feel his wall and deep voice in the room through it. But, of course, he never came. Not once in the evening did he come and check on me. Hearing myself say that made me feel like an entitled brat. The more time passed, my nervousness only increased. Because I grew super antsy. I left the bed several times and went to the door to almost confront him. Luckily for my pride and self-esteem, I didn't do that. I stayed in the room and waited. As the night ended and the moon entered the sky, I knew he was not coming in.
This was when I started to doubt everything. I had begun this journey of self-doubt, self-reflection, and self-pity. I couldn't help myself but wallow a bit. It was all just one big mistake. Outside of the good little parts about what Tomaso and I had together, everything else was a big regret. Never before had I regretted signing that contract so much.
And yet there was nothing that I could do. All I could do was lay in my bed and wait. I was only guaranteed the future until it was no longer there. It was a grim reality check. I had to find some way to move on mentally from Tomaso. Because call me crazy, but it seemed like he had already moved on for me. Of course, I didn't want to admit that to myself. I hope the doubt sentiment was the furthest thing from the truth. But who was I kidding? Like he had said to me downstairs, our relationship was fake. It was nothing more than a piece of paper.
Maybe at the end of the day, that was all I was to him. Once I could understand that and let that sink in, I could move on. Will I be killed? Will this all end in a catastrophe that I could have never imagined? I had no idea. But it sure is heck seem that way. The sooner I accepted that fate, the more sleep I would get.
It was the middle of the night, and Tomaso still had not said anything to me. The only difference between that time and before was that I cared a little less.
Chapter 16
Tomaso
Shehadbeenstayingin the guest room. I shouldn't have been surprised by that. The way I treated her and the fact that the contract was no longer enacted, there was no reason for her to sleep in my bed. Oh, how I missed that. Her warm and sexy body next to me. When I went to bed and woke up. You don't realize what you have until it's gone. She was still in my house, but not how I wanted her to be. She would never know that I wanted her back. She would never know how bad I wanted her in my bed. Because I refused to tell her.
I had to keep my guard up. I had to be strong and do the right thing. Because as much as I wanted to do all those things with her and be normal. Didn't that count for anything? Didn't I trying to do the right and moral thing count? It didn't seem that way because she would slam things when we crossed paths in the house. She would make her presence known by walking way more flat-footed than usual. It was the typical argument state. When a couple is fighting and refuses to talk to one another, they have to slam things and make their feelings known in other ways. Yeah, we were dating, and yet we weren't dating. That's how it felt.
I was reminded of all of this right when I woke up. It was funny; I thought about my drama with her rather than the drama outside those walls. I should have been fixated on the fact that I was being hunted. My main concern should have been trying to end the war by making amends. Or, I should have been focused on getting revenge and not bowing down to an angry mafia family pissed off because I didn't want to marry Linda. How ridiculous. It was the most ridiculous sentiment in the world when you thought about it and dissected every little aspect, even when you looked at it from face value. And yet now, everyone was fighting and risking their lives over it. Because why? They felt slighted? Because they felt like I had disrespected them? Big whoop. Why can't I just marry the chick that I want to marry?
There it was. The realization. I loved Angelina. I wanted to marry her. I wanted her to be my entire world. In all reality, that would probably solve the war. But now, no one would believe it. No one would believe that I actually loved her. They would all just think I was keeping it up to save face. What was I supposed to do to prove them all wrong? Get her pregnant? Even if I married her, everyone would just say I married her to avoid conflict.
I lay in my bed, staring at the ceiling. Thinking about everything a mile a minute. East thought zoomed by me like a car on the highway. I couldn't really just focus on one. Who could blame me in a time like that?
The one thought I could nail down was what I had to do with Angelina that day. If I knew her, she would not be happy with the little meeting I would call in the kitchen. But it had to be done. I had to put my foot down when it came to something. I was so angry when she left the house and did her little joy ride. She could have sniped right through the windshield, and then I would have had to lose someone I cared about more than anyone else. If only I could say that to her without it being a problem. Or better yet, a contradiction.
With this on my mind, I got out of bed and washed my face in the bathroom. I could hear her shower running in the guest room. Oh, how I wished I could see that naked body. I imagined the water dripping off of her nipples. I imagine how her ass looked beneath the stream. We had never had sex in the shower. And there was a first for everything. Somehow I knew they would not be a first for that.
I had dug myself into that hole. I had gotten myself into that mess. Everything would have been real if I had courted her without a contract. There wouldn't be any lies coming to the surface or anything like that. But what was done was done. I could do nothing about it but deal with the outcome.
