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I glanced over at Kara. Her expression was heartbreaking. I’d come here to try to prove I wasn’t the disaster I’d been in her office, and all I’d done was cement that I was.
Then came the judgment. From all of them. Thick and heavy and slimy. They acted as if I’d just lifted my dress and taken a dump on the birthday cake.
I squared my shoulders. I wouldn’t lie. I wouldn’t mope. Wouldn’t sit here and listen to any more of this. I couldn’t fix the mess I’d made with Principal Williams and Zeph’s family. It was clear any chance I’d had of getting Amelia into that school was over. But I could walk away from it with my head held high. They were all just waiting for me to admit it anyway. “No, actually. I take my clothes off and swing around a pole with my legs open so men can shove dollar bills into my panties. That what you want me to say, Kelly? There. I said it.”
I spun around, but Zeph’s mom caught my hand. “Your daughter deserves more than you can give her, Lyric. We have resources for women like you. Programs. There’s a course at the church—”
I yanked my hand from her grip. “Don’t tell me what my daughter needs,” I hissed at the woman.
“I could report you. I’m sure Child Protective Services would be very interested in knowing what goes on in your home.”
Her threat sliced into a deep-rooted fear I had. The one where someone realized I wasn’t good enough to raise Amelia and took her from me. Rage blazed through me, and I lashed out. “You’re hardly the perfect parent, are you, Suzanna? Did you raise perfect children? Do your friends here know about…”
About how your son likes to dominate women? About how you pushed him into a role in the church but how he watches me masturbate? About how he fucks me bare and comes on my pussy, so I’m marked as his?
Her face went pale.
She knew. She knew the things he was capable of. She’d been the one to clean up his mess with Annie.
I would have never thrown Zeph under the bus like that, but I was more than willing to make his mother aware I knew her children weren’t perfect either. At least not in her eyes, even though she tried very hard to hide that fact by bragging about them to everyone who would listen.
How the judgment would shift if I revealed that her perfectly priestly son was banging a common gutter whore like me.
“Lyric?” Zeph asked cautiously. “What’s going on?” He took my elbow.
I jerked it from his grasp and spun on him. “I’m just fine, Zeph. Just fucking fine.”
I stormed for the nearest door as fast as I could in my heels and wrenched it open, rushing out of the house and down the stairs that led to the pool.
“Lyric, wait.”
I picked up the pace, running now while tears streamed down my face. My heart ached with everything I’d just lost for my daughter. I’d known my career choice would come back to bite me with her eventually. If not now, then when she was older and realized what I actually did.
Hell, maybe she never would have gotten in anyway, but now I would never know. Her rejection letter would be in my mailbox by Monday, I was sure of it. I seethed as I ran, angry at Zeph’s mom and his sister, and myself for ever coming here. It reeked of a setup, and betrayal was bitter on my tongue.
“Lyric,” Zeph snapped as I edged the woods. “Wait.”
His heavy footsteps fell behind me, and I spun around to yell at him, only to find the entire party with their noses pressed to the glass, watching us.
Their gazes burned.
I didn’t know when I’d become this person who cared about what other people thought of me, but I did. There were too many of them to ignore. Each and every one of them screwed up their face in disgust, all of it aimed at the stupid stripper who’d dared to come to their Providence home in the hope of giving her child a better life.
I couldn’t stand the shame. Or the guilt. I kicked the heels off and ran, barely feeling the stabbing of pine needles beneath my feet. I ran into the woods until the house disappeared behind the thick trees. I ran until my lungs ached from overuse and forced me to slow.
I ran until all I felt was Zeph’s presence behind me, slowly keeping pace, not gaining on me, but not dropping away either.
He said nothing. Didn’t call my name or tell me to wait again.
The anger and hopelessness melted away, replaced by a different feeling all together. A breathless excitement, vaguely laced with danger. I sprinted around a tree, glancing back over my shoulder at him.
My heart leapt at the wild look in his eyes, at knowing I was playing right into his fantasies.
Maybe it was partially a ‘fuck you’ to his mother and sister and all the snobby assholes up in that house who had silently called me a slut.
But I liked that look on him. It made my heart race, not in fear, but in need.
A thrill shot through me, catching my breath. I slipped on some loose soil, tried to scramble back to my feet, but it was the opportunity he’d been waiting for. His big body came down on top of mine, sending me back into the dirt.
