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“I have to say goodbye to Blue.” I broke away from Milo and crossed to his lounging black greyhound. When I crouched in front of him, he extended a narrow paw, half-reclining, lazy and content.
Stroking his fur helped me calm down a little, and get a hold of myself. He eased back down into a sprawl as I scratched his ear, and heaved a sigh of contentment with his tongue half out of his mouth. So what if I’d confessed my crush to Milo? Like, literally told him to his face that I loved him, and wanted to marry him? He had to already know. Yes, the two of us would be uncomfortable around each other forever, now that I’d put it out there. That was my punishment for letting it all spill out, but at least I’d admitted what I’d hidden in my heart for so long.
“I’m sorry I made things weird between us,” I said, turning and getting to my feet. “You know how I am.”
“Yes. I know.”
He’d come closer while I was petting Blue. One hand was thrust in his pocket, and I couldn’t read the somber expression on his face. Then the hand was out of his pocket, moving toward me, cradling my chin. His other arm came around me, pulling me against his long, hard frame. I gasped as he tilted my head back and pressed his lips to mine.
Chapter Three: Milo
Iheld herharder than I meant to. She was so delicate, so warm, so full of life and emotions. I didn’t mean to kiss her. Damn it, I wasn’t supposed to kiss her. I wasn’t even supposed to have her at my place. Weakness, to put on that turn signal and bring her here where we could be alone together.
But oh, how many fucking times had I dreamed about kissing Lilly-Alice Nyquist? How many times had I imagined the curves of her body beneath my fingers, the heat and taste of her mouth? Subtle notes of port wine and longing. Fuckinglove. She’d hit the nail on the head with that word.
“No,” I murmured against her lips, at the same time I pushed her against the doorjamb to trap her in my grip. She responded to my force with trusting surrender, because she didn’t understand the danger she was in. Sweet, tantalizing Alice, with her blushing, breathless declarations of love. She wanted to marry me? She had no idea how much I enjoyed hurting women, making them cry. I was a man who prized sexual obedience and surrender. Even if I explained what I was into, even if I paused our kiss and told her everything right now, she wouldn’t understand.
My hands moved over her body, exploring the curves beneath her soft, embroidered sweater dress. I reached under her hem, pushing up the skirt just enough to cup her ass and slide a fingertip along the outline of her panties. I found bare skin, smooth and warm. Her tight little butt cheeks begged to be squeezed and parted, so I could plunder her innocent asshole with my raging erection.
Jesus, really? That’s the first place your mind goes?
No, I couldn’t do this. Even now, she was leaning into me with unwavering trust.Stop. Stop now, before you do something you can’t take back.My mind raged at me to stop, but my body couldn’t hold her close enough. I couldn’t kiss her deeply enough. I found myself groping her, grasping one thigh, practically carrying her over to the couch.
Then I was on top, and she was under me. I pulled down the hem of her dress, covering her panties and upper thighs, like that would stop me from going too far. When she parted her legs, I groaned and lifted onto my elbows, because if our bodies came together that way, cock to mons, I would tear off the clothes between us and ravage her.
I think my groan finally clued her to the danger. She stopped trying to pull me close and looked into my eyes instead, twining her fingers in my hair. I kissed her, trying to be tender, but going rabid and wild within moments, because she was too damn alluring, and I’d wanted to kiss her lips for so long.
Yes, and you didn’t, because you can’t do this. You have to stop this.
I kissed her harder to silence the voices, and made fists to prevent myself from grabbing her hands and pinning her down. Our legs were entwined, though, and she was arching against me, making needful sounds.
Shit. Maybe I could give her what she needed, as a service. I was a Dominant, but maybe I could serve, just this once, and put her needs before mine. Maybe I could quiet the violent spirits that wanted to possess her, and make gentle love to her instead, the way a normal, considerate man would. How hard could it be? I could go through the motions. I could do it without hurting her. Maybe.
I let my body ease down against hers. Her arms came around me, holding me close, making me shudder with the depth of longing to be inside her. I slid along her body so my rigid cock lay against her center, with only our clothes between us. I knew she could feel my hard-on through my pants, but its size and breadth didn’t seem to faze her. She pressed her body to mine, all her slender muscles taut with desire.
“Alice,” I whispered. “What do you want?”
“You.” She said it without thought, without pause.
Because she didn’t understand.
I let out a tortured breath and pressed harder against her, body to body. If we weren’t clothed, I’d be inside her. I wouldn’t have been able to go for a condom. I would have just thrust inside her and ridden her without mercy. Gentle lovemaking? Fuck. Even with clothes between us, I could feel myself turning to a monster, wanting to devour her, consume her, possess her with rough, unrestrained passion born of too much longing. Years of longing.
My body still tried to argue with my mind, as I pulled her thighs wider and slid my body against hers, mimicking penetration. Maybe she was into violence. Maybe she was into rough sex. Maybe she wanted a monster for a lover. Maybe she was into dungeons where submissive women served Dominant men and weren’t allowed safe words.
Maybe…
Maybe I could restrain myself before I revealed the depth of my perversion, and destroyed our friendship for life. I pulled away, exerting the most effort I’d ever exerted in anything, missing her taste before our lips even parted. My whole body trembled at the physical agony of parting our bodies when I wanted her so much.
“Wait,” I said. I forced myself off the couch to kneel beside her. “Please, we can’t do this. If we start, things will go too far.”
“I want them to.” She gazed at me, her lips full and kissable. “You can’t go too far. I want you, Milo. I want to kiss you and make out with you. I’ve wanted that forever, and if you want to go to bed together, that’s okay too. I’m not a virgin.” She laughed, a tight, scared laugh. “I’m not saving myself for marriage or anything.”
Go to bed together.That was how she put it. I stroked a lock of her hair, hating that I was this person, this deviant who didn’t darego to bed togetherwith someone I treasured so much. “You don’t understand. I—I can’t.”
She sat up, pulling her dress’s hem a little lower. “Why? Are you seeing someone else?” She looked embarrassed. Sad. “I thought you were single.”
“I am. It’s just…” I rubbed my eyes and let out a groan, willing my erection to subside. “I can’t do this because I respect you too much.”
