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“She’s sleeping,” I mouthed. And then, “Don’t get your hopes up.”
Blue loved Alice as much as I did. Well, that wasn’t possible, because I loved her more than anything, but Blue came in a close second, maybe tied with her mom and dad. And my mom and dad. Hell, everyone loved Alice, and I’d used and abused her body like a fucking animal for hours last night. Not okay.
Just once, I’d told myself. Ha. We’d ended up in my dungeon fucking a second and third time, after all my protests that I’d never take her there. Then we’d showered, had a 2a.m. snack, and fucked again in her bedroom when I’d gone in there intending to make her sleep.
I did finally get her to sleep, until around four a.m., when she crawled into my bed and snuggled beside me. Yep, more sex. In the wee hours of the night, I was straddling her face and fucking her throat, and she was gazing up at me, crying and gagging, telling me everything was okay. Her mouth felt like heaven, that was my only excuse for not stopping, because everything wasnotokay.
I’d acted like a fucking jerk, taking everything I could from her once the floodgates had opened. Never mind that I had to look her in the eyes this morning, with herknowing. Knowing the depths of my lust, as well as the heights of my depravity. Well, the lower heights. If my perversity was a twenty-story building, I’d taken her to somewhere between the third and fourth floor.
So much for self-control, for not hurting her. Fuck.
I slid out of bed and went into the bathroom, and stared at myself in the mirror. Was I that terrible a person? There was nothing I’d done that she hadn’t consented to. I’d gone easy with the strap, used my least painful clamps, and limited the number of times I’d gagged her on my cock. I’d only grabbed her neck three…maybe four…times, and I’d used more than enough lube when I fucked her ass. I’d also monitored her the entire time to be sure she was as turned on as I was. I’d protected her, to an extent.
And she, the white-nightied siren, had done nothing to convince me to put on the brakes. No, she was as hot and willing at four in the morning as she’d been when I ripped off her panties the night before. She’d told me, with a straight face,I’m not a beginner anymore.I hadn’t contradicted her, because she looked so proud of herself. I might have said a few swear words.
I turned on the shower and stood under the water, wondering what to do now. Maybe I should give the fuck up and marry her. If she was my wife, maybe I’d find the basic couth and control I hadn’t been able to find last night. As hot water slid down my back and chest, I allowed myself a few moments of daydreaming: Alice in a frothy white wedding dress, both sets of our parents smiling as we walked down the aisle. An erotically charged newlywed life, then later, children and closeness and family concerts by the fire.
Nice daydream. But what about the nightmare, when I asked her to go with me to The Gallery? I wasn’t sure I could hurt, really torment, someone I was in love with, which was why I’d never fallen in love with any of my other subs.
Now I was in love, and Alice had subbed to me, eating up the pain like candy. Had she really enjoyed it, or had she swallowed it down because she loved me? How much would she agree to before it became too much? Would she let me torture other subs at The Gallery, and give herself over to other men, per the rules? Could I let her, without losing my shit completely? My daydreams of marital bliss were replaced by nightmares of divorce and custody proceedings, if not charges of spousal abuse.
I shut off the water, shutting down my thoughts on that topic at the same time. No, never abuse—but what if she saw it that way? Despite what she believed, she was an absolute beginner.
An absolute beginner who was still fast asleep in my bed.
I threw on a tee and some jeans, and went out to the kitchen to start some coffee. It was a dreary winter day, the skies threatening snow. I heard Alice in the shower about half an hour later. While I sat at the table, Blue paced up and down the hall, trying to be with both of us at once. By the time she emerged, he couldn’t wait to press against her side.
“Good morning, sweet friend,” she said to him, providing the demanded attention. Then she glanced up at me, and it took all my strength not to look away. All the things I’d done to her the night before flashed through my mind, and while part of me was ashamed, part of me wanted to do them all over again.
“Want some coffee?” I asked.And I’m sorry.
And I want you again.
She came to join me at the table, blushing, sexy, lovely Alice. Hell. Fuck. Why wasn’t she telling me I was a pervert and a creep, and to leave her the fuck alone in the future? Nope, she seemed happy to see me. I stood to embrace her, kissing the top of her head, because if I kissed her lips I’d lose it. “How are you this morning?” I murmured.
She shook her head and snuggled closer to me. “I can’t even explain.”
I can’t even explainsummed up my feelings as well, but someone had to say something about the shit we’d done last night. I guided her into a chair, then returned to the kitchen, putting together words as I poured her some coffee. Her favorite type of breakfast cereal—dry—was already in a bowl in front of her.
“So,” I said, returning with her cup. “We got pretty wild last night. Wilder than I meant to get.”
“That was probably my fault. I was the one who came to your room last night, and I think deep inside I wanted…”
“To seduce me? You were successful.” I watched as she stirred sugar into her coffee. “The question is, how do you feel about it this morning?”
“I feel fine,” she said quickly. “I’m a little tired, but…well…I wouldn’t give up any of what we did last night.” She looked at me from under her lashes. “Or what we did this morning.”
I leaned back in my chair, wondering how to proceed. I wouldn’t give up any of what we did either, but I also needed her to realize it had been a one-time thing, a grievous lapse in my self-control.
“You know—” I began, meaning to say something about preserving the sanctity of our friendship, while apologizing for treating her with so little respect.
“I can’t wait to do some more BDSM stuff,” she said, speaking over me. “I shouldn’t have barged into your room last night and put you on the spot about your dungeon and everything, but I was so fascinated, and when you took me in there and…” She grinned as a blush crept up her cheeks. “It was so much scarier and cooler and amazing than I could have dreamed.”
She tugged at a lock of her soft ginger hair. All I could think about was the way I’d wrenched it in my fist. I could practically feel the soft strands against my skin.
“The thing is, Alice—”
“I know, I know. You’re more experienced than me, but I don’t mind learning what you like.” Her blush deepened as she stared at my hands, then met my eyes again. “It’s like, all these years I’ve been having sex, and it was gentle and nice and mostly fulfilling, but until last night, I didn’t realize how much more could happen between people. Alothappened between us.”
