AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“No. Nothing happened to me. Nothing was wrong in there. I took them off because…” Her voice broke a little. “Because I don’t want to see you right now.”
I stood where I was. Her glare wasn’t welcoming. “I’m so sorry,” I said. “And I look like shit right now, so you’re smart not to want to see me.”
She looked down at her hands, wringing them in her lap. “It’s not about how you look. It’s about what you did.”
“I know. I’m sorry, really sorry that I lost it. I saw something that wasn’t happening. There was something in your face that made me think he was hurting you.”
She looked back up, her voice full and harsh again. “He was hurting me, becauseI wanted him to. You hurt me also. That’s why we come here.”
There were five of us in the room—six, counting Rene—but no one else spoke or moved as we talked to each other. None of them dared leave us on our own.
“Ella, I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything.” She glanced at Juliet, who looked terribly sad. “I get it. You have things in your past. Triggers. We all have them. We all have weird stuff we can’t deal with.” She took a deep breath, and I knew where this was going.
“Ella—”
“When you let yourself get too close to someone, or feel too much for someone, it makes you crazy. I know that.”
She knew it from her lovesick father. Her father had taught her through example that strong feelings weren’t to be borne, that they ended in tragedy, if not insanity. What were my actions earlier, if not insane?
“Ella, please.”
“I like you, Devin. I like you a lot. You make me feel all kinds of wonderful things, and—”
“And you do that for me, too.” I moved closer to her, wanting to hold her, but I couldn’t. It was like she’d put up a wall. “It’s okay for people to feel things for each other,” I said.
Everyone watching us must have thought we were insane. Why not feel things? Why not fall in love? Because to Ella, that was as bad as abuse. It was a way to ruin your life. Damn it, it made me angry.
“You can’t use this as some excuse to say things are bad between us,” I insisted. “They’re not. I had a mental glitch. A memory, and I saw something that wasn’t there. I’m sorry I messed up your scene. I’m sorry that…” I took a step toward her. “Can I hold you? I’m sorry. I just want everything to be okay again.”
“I don’t know if they can be okay again. After tonight… I don’t know. I feel like maybe we should take a break.”
Fort and Milo looked shocked at her cool declaration, but I wasn’t. Juliet looked mournful. Rene looked troubled. I felt like I’d been punched in the gut.
“Take a break from what?” I asked. “We don’t have anything. You won’t let us have anything. But whatever. Whatever you want is fine with me.”
But it wasn’t. My rough, petty response to her dismissal was proof of that.
“Fine, then,” she said, like that settled it. “I could use a break anyway. I have lots to do at work.”
I moved into her space, glaring down at her. “I know you have work. That’s way more important than actually feeling something.”
Milo made a sound behind me, a warning. Juliet’s eyes were telling me to stop. I wondered if Fort was behind me too, poised to grab me in case I launched myself at Ella this time. I searched her gaze, wanting to shove her glasses back on her face, wanting to make her see my expressions if she was going to put me through this.
But she hadn’t put me through anything. She’d told me all along a relationship was off limits. She’d never wanted to fall in love, and if I’d done so like a fucking dumbass loser, that was my problem.
“Maybe we can take Ella home,” suggested Juliet. “And the two of you can talk sometime tomorrow, when things don’t feel so intense.”
“Yeah, that’s fine,” I said, helplessly. Ella couldn’t see my eyes, but I could see hers, and I could read her closed-off body language. She’d seen a side of me tonight she never wanted to see again. I’d acted like my fucked-up father, but she’d seen her fucked-up father in my “crazy” actions.Love makes you crazy.Now we were done.
Whatever. There was nothing to do about it now. Fort and Juliet left with Ella, who didn’t say goodbye to me, or look at me, even when she put her glasses back on. Rene said he’d wait for the cleaning crew, so he could show them where the blood was.
The blood.Fuck me. What had I done?
Milo invited me down to his apartment for a nightcap. Well, he phrased it as an invitation, but it was more of a command. Did he think I’d go flailing off after Ella, trying to change her mind? Would Fort and Juliet stay at her apartment to protect her from me?
Was I losing my mind?
