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The biker came to a dead stop and swatted Rome off like a fly. “How about you stay the fuck out of our business?” Hallow’s hands left me, and his fist reared back threatening young, smooth-faced Rome.
Puffing out his chest, Rome stepped between us. He was barely taller than me. Hallow towered over him, but Rome didn’t waver. “Any man in here would be lucky to have Eve. You're drunk and you need to leave her the fuck alone.”
Hallow swung and a bar fight started. Not just Rome and Hallow but others joined in just for the hell of it, like they seem to. Bottles flew. Glass shattered. Dunking, I had to leave poor Rome to it. Somehow, Connie found me. She led me out of the bar.
Safely outside, I announced, “Hallow’s nothing but an asshole. I don’t know how I didn’t realize it before. How dare he say he's not gonna leave Steph unless I agree to be with him?”
Connie said, “That's a biker for you. He's waiting for you to cave. You have to give something up, honey. You've hurt his pride. He wants you to come crawling back to him. Just say you’ll go back. That’s all he wants.”
“I’ve already done it. It didn’t work.”
“Do it again.”
“The fuck, I will,” I spat and left Connie where she stood.
It didn't matter how much I loved Hallow, I wasn't gonna let him treat me that way.
Back at Goliath's place, I ran to the bathroom to dry my eyes. On the way over, I bawled so hard, I thought my eyes would flow out. My head thumped an ache. I opened the medicine cabinet to grab some pain reliever. My tears gushed so I couldn't even see. I felt for the bottle of Tylenol I knew was there, knocking everything into the sink. I reached over and snatched a wad of toilet paper to dry my eyes. Heaving breaths, I tried to calm down. But when I still didn’t see the medicine I needed, I raged again. Opening all the drawers and cabinets, I searched in haste. Like the bar fight, I went to war on the tiny room, flinging everything everywhere. Crying harder, I trashed the bathroom until I collapsed on the floor.
“Fuck. Where is the fucking Tylenol,” I shouted out in the echoey room. Then I remembered I was out. I threw the bottle away last week. I meant to get more.
Placing everything back into the cabinets, I tried to clear my mind of Hallow. Not only was he breaking my heart, again, he was driving me crazy. Picking up a box of tampons to put back in the cabinet, I realized I was probably just premenstrual. I laughed at myself and my ability to forget all about my time of the month until it was too late. No wonder why I felt like I could kill Hallow. Taking out my phone, I opened my app that tracked my flow. Not only did I track my menstruation, after what had happened before, I noted all the times I had sex. Of course, this month was absolutely empty. No sex. Another reason I felt horrible.
Scrolling back, I didn't see a period right away, not this month in September. A good sign because my crazy could just be PMS. But there also wasn’t a period last month in August. Worrisome. Panic creeped. However with my irregularity, it wasn’t too unusual for me to skip and not notice.
Flipping back farther, I saw the last time I had sex and the time before, only days prior in July. Those times had not been with Hallow. Staring at them, I remembered them all too well, so I didn’t have to mark them with a K, for Kingpin, but I had. And before them sat my last period in late June. I had to go back before that period to see a time I had sex with Hallow. Sometime way before our botched wedding day. Fuck, had we really not had sex in that long before we were to marry?
I’d had two periods since I had sex with Hallow and none since Kingpin.
Nevertheless, that didn’t mean I was pregnant. Before I miscarried, I skipped all the time. Afterwards, I took my birth control religiously. Not only because I was told I shouldn’t get pregnant, but I reckoned it would keep me regular. I thought of leaving Royal Road that night to buy a pregnancy test. But I was too scared someone at the club would see me. Also, I didn’t want to know. The gravity of it all wasn’t lost on me. I had a restless night tossing and turning thinking of the worst. Every discomfort reminded me of what happened before as well. I was riddled with loss, regret, and apprehension.
The next morning, I woke up checking my panties for blood. Straightway, before my morning coffee, I called and made an appointment with my new doctor. They couldn’t get me in for an appointment right away, but they scheduled one. I took precautions while I waited. As in, I didn’t drink any alcohol, something I’d been doing anyhow. And I made sure to eat, something I hadn’t been doing in my new singlehood.
In the meantime, I prayed that either I’d start or that I wouldn’t lose a pregnancy, confusing the creator. And I didn’t dare tell a soul, not Connie, not Ember. I went on about my business at the club, just doing business, playing my gigs and collecting my pay from Opry. Going home to be alone. Crying about everything.
By the end of the month, I sat on the tall table in the doctor’s office waiting. I remembered texting Kingpin last time I was there. I thought of texting him again but knew I couldn’t. He’d been in the hospital nonstop as his Ol’ Lady recovered. And what would he say? When Dr. Jarvis and his nurse, Melanie, confirmed it, I was indeed pregnant again, they said so cautiously.
To me, it wasn’t exactly unwelcome news. My hand over my middle I asked “Will it even stick? Will I lose this one too?” This time it wasn’t Hallow’s baby. I carried the child of the MC president. The man who still hadn’t returned from his wives’ bedside.
As they assured me, I had a better chance this time because I’d be getting proper prenatal care, I noticed their restraint. However, I wasn’t as far along as before when I miscarried. I felt there was a real risk of losing it. Conversely, they did tell me I had a choice, even in Tennessee. Pregnancy would put my life at risk, after all, according to them even if I didn’t quite understand all the particulars. I was no doctor. But I knew what having a choice meant. I understood it being someone else’s. I felt a woman had that right. But there was no way in hell it could be my choice, even under the circumstances. Was there? I blamed my upbringing for my knee jerk refusal. I told them I’d think it all over, but I doubted I’d give it much thought at all.
“Talk it over with dad,” the nurse suggested, talking about the father of the child.
Sure, the baby was Kingpin’s, but it was also mine. Though I agreed, I knew I wouldn’t be telling him.
Not ever.
My appointment with a specialist was moved up now that I was pregnant. I left the doctor’s office with a list of all kinds of shit I could not eat or risk getting sick. Basically, I was being treated like a diabetic. I had to watch my sugar at all costs. They wrote me a prescription for prenatal vitamins and a medicine to control my blood pressure, one safe for the baby. Here I thought being thin meant I was healthy. Driving to the pharmacy, I debated even going back to Royal Road at all.
Nevertheless, the reality was, I didn’t have anywhere else to go. I needed to think about Hob as well. Not only did the club protect me, Kingpin protected my brother per our agreement. Hob was staying over the bar. With my brother secretly living at Royal Road under an alias, pretending to be a proper prospect but prospecting all the same, Kingpin was protecting him like I’d asked. Hob was our secret. I’d have to get Kingpin to agree to me leaving, so he’d continue to protect my brother from the Asphalt Gods MC. And I needed a job. Singing at the clubhouse earned me a good check. I didn’t have to pay rent. I figured I could stay as long as I wasn’t showing and save as much money as I could before I left. It’d give me time to come up with a plan.
I’d forgotten all about morning sickness until it took me out.
Chapter 14
Kingpin
Eve moved to one of the officer’s houses as I suggested. Even though I started to Goliath’s old place more than once, I always turned back. I didn’t seek her out. I couldn’t. Eve made it a point to leave the clubhouse if I was around, just proving my point.
