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I was on my own.
Singing, “So What”, was cathartic. Unrelated, I thought about chopping my hair off and dying it pink. But I wouldn’t because I’d look to much like Hallow’s new woman. And since this was Nashville, I had to turn to Country. I started, Carrie Underwoods, “Cry Pretty.” I was on the verge of tears. Starting “Nothing Compares to You”, the band followed, but unlike Sinead or the original, Prince, we had a fiddle. I made it about have way through before I decided I was gonna have a come apart. I stopped short.
The band played on until they realized I wasn’t singing.
“Rome, can you take over?” I asked, dropping the mic.
My face flushed as the crowd quieted. Since our Prez was in the audience, I tried to make a graceful exit. At least Rome would keep the show going. He didn’t miss a beat and rocked into some Black Crow’s, “Twice as Hard.”
Grabbing the bottle of Jack Daniels, I hopped off the stage. I stopped by Kingpin’s throne. At any rate, I tried to. Women surrounded him, and I couldn’t get close enough to let him know I wouldn’t be singing the rest of the night. Maybe ever again. So, I searched for Opry’s cowboy hat and saw it floating over at the bar. After all, he managed this place.
I spoke to everyone at the bar, not just Opry. “I’m sorry, y’all. I just can’t while Hallow’s here with Steph.”
Opry took me to the side. “I don’t blame you. Not after what Hallow did.” I guess Opry saw what happened between us tonight. Everyone had.
Wobbling my head, I was totally embarrassed. I sucked in my lips. I would not cry again. “Yeah. What an asshole.”
“I promise you, we don’t approve. We have a code. He’ll be punished.”
Punished for embarrassing me? Or maybe for letting Stephanie try to kill me? I guess I was technically part of the club with or without Hallow. Hallow had made that deal for me. And I didn’t want to talk about Hallow. That’s why I ran off stage so I could go cry in peace.
“I tried to let Prez know,” I said.
Opry confessed, “Kingpin’s in a bad way himself.”
I looked over at the pile of women surrounding him. Nothing unusual. “How so?”
“He’s broken things off with Sky.”
“Goodness gracious. Just last night they were right as rain.”
Opry went on, “You didn’t hear it from me. But apparently, she’s been lying to him.”
My mouth gaped until I declared, “I’ll be dipped and rolled in crackers.”
“Yeah, stupid girl. Prez should’ve known,” Opry said.
I wondered how much more he knew since he was banging Sky’s cousin Leo. I didn’t have to ask. He came out with it. “He saw a video of her with another man.”
Holy fuck. “She was with someone else while they were together?”
“Apparently.”
“Well, gather at the river.” I knew how Kingpin must feel anyway since Hallow had just dealt me the final blow.
Opry took off his hat and wiped his forehead. “Yeah. It beats all you’ve ever stepped in. I don’t think Prez’s even going to notice your absence.”
Cradling the bottle of whisky, I slinked to the basement to lock myself in the room down there.
Sobbing sporadically, I didn’t go back to drinking right away. I tried other self-care methods. First, I removed my caked on makeup since I’d made a mess of it. Then I took a nice long hot bath and didn’t leave it until the water turned cold. I became a wrinkly prune. Moisturizing and putting on my nicest nighty, I tried not to think of Hallow and Steph. About them together. A whore was one thing. Steph was a relationship.
Slipping on my gown, I let the silk give me the hug I needed. Blowing out my hair, I relished the warmth returning to my skin. It’d been so long since I’d had any comfort. Studying myself in the mirror, I cursed all the ways I wasn’t. Where Steph was tone and fit, a rock, I was soft and thin, too thin as I barely ate anymore.
As I brushed and flossed, I noticed my complexion was shot to hell. No tan to speak of, I looked like a ghost of the woman I’d been. Leaving the bathroom, I vowed to get out in the sunshine tomorrow, recharge. I couldn’t let my sorrow overtake me. A deep depression hovered over me like a cloud. At any minute it could rain down on me, sinking me into the muddy hopelessness. Determined not to get drenched in misery, I had to keep my wits about me. Distraction was what I needed. I had most of my possessions from our place at the Eagles’ Nest, so I found a book I’d been wanting to read. A mystery, not a romance. That’s when I poured the first glass of whiskey.
It led to another.
I was a quarter through the book and into the bottle when a knock came at the door. Feeling so good and so bad at the same time, I didn’t think about covering up before I answered it.
