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“No, you hated me then.”
I nod. “Hating you was only possible because I also loved you.”
I watch her carefully. Her chest slows, and her breathing evens. Her ears seem to strain to catch every word out of my mouth.
“You were wild and free and knew what you wanted out of life. You were determined to decide your own fate. And so fucking strong—it took my breath away to see someone that strong, knowing how many people wanted to kill them. It didn’t deter you. You were sunshine to my gloom.”
“I wasn’t strong—I was just surviving the only way I knew how.”
My eyes blaze. “You did more than just survive.”
She stills, my words sinking in.
“I did it because I had to—”
“No, you did it because you were strong. You made it easy for me to be strong and for all of us. We were only strong because of you.”
She fidgets on the couch.
“Do you truly love me, or is it just something nice you’re saying so I’ll pick you?”
I tilt my head. “You already know the answer to that. Just like I know you loved me back before you spiked my drink and Andrea kidnapped me.”
She blinks but doesn’t deny nor confirm it.
“Hayes and I once had a conversation about you. He told me you would never love again, that you couldn’t love again. You say you love me, but do you really? Do you love me the way you loved before?”
I don’t know why she’s asking me this. She probably wants me to lay my heart out for her before she crushes it. I have no chance with her, but I love her too much for her not to know the truth—all of it.
“No, I don’t love you the way I loved before.”
Her face falls as she stares at her hands in her lap. I swear I see a hint of disappointment sweep across her face.
“I love you more,” I say.
Her eyes snap up, meeting mine with an emotion I can’t read.
“Her name was Iris,” I continue.
Rialta holds her breath, willing me to tell her everything. If she has to make a decision about which man she will spend the rest of her life with, she deserves to have all the facts. So I’ll tell her everything I can.
“I met her when I was sixteen. She was hanging off of Hayes’s arm, and her lipstick was smeared across his cheek. At this point, Hayes and I hadn’t shared women. Once one of us claimed someone, she was off limits to everyone else. But when Iris turned and looked at me—I fell. It was love at first sight. I fell for her piercing eyes, her curious smile, and her infectious laugh.
“But so did Hayes. And Gage. And our friend Caius. How could we not? She was an angel. Sweet, innocent, and the kindest soul. Even though she grew up as a Retribution King’s child, she hadn’t seen the darkness we had. She didn’t believe in revenge. She had never gotten her hands bloody. And she had no intention of ever doing so.”
I close my eyes, the burning pain rising up in my chest again.
“She was innocent, unlike me,” Rialta says.
I shake my head. “She was naive because he had never seen how cruel the world is. You’ve had to run from darkness your whole life. Iris only saw the good in people. She didn’t see me as this evil monster, capable of slaughtering men and then still sleep like a baby at night.
“Iris was the first woman we all competed over; the first woman we all wanted. If we had met her a few years later, we would have shared her like we did other women until she made her choice. But I was a selfish bastard, and I couldn’t stand to see her with any of the others. Lucky for me, the second she saw my affection for her—she was mine.”
Rialta’s tongue flicks across her bottom lip.
I swallow hard before continuing, ignoring the way my body hardens at her smallest gesture.
“Once Iris was mine, I vowed to do everything I could to maintain her innocence. I vowed to protect her from the cruelty of the world, to keep her safe and protected. And once the others saw how much we loved each other, they vowed to protect her with their lives as well. None of the others had serious girlfriends, so Iris had all of our protection.”
