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“You don’t need to tell her. You get a monthly allowance from your trust fund, and it’s not like she keeps tabs on your account.”
“That we know of,” Leigh muttered. She’d never met anyone more controlling or suspicious than her mother.
“That we know of,” Jake agreed. “If she finds out about the appointments, we’ll have to make some excuse, but I really think you should at leave give it a try.”
Leigh sighed. Just the thought of organizing all that was exhausting. Why bother when she could be eating ice cream in bed and watching crappy reruns on TV?
“I don’t know, Jake. I’m not sure that’s really necessary.”
“Leigh, please just trust me on this. You’re not seeing clearly right now. You need help.”
“I need Morgan!” Leigh snapped. “But sometimes we can’t get what we need, okay, Jake? So maybe you should just leave me alone.”
She immediately felt bad for snapping and felt even worse when Jake simply nodded and retreated, murmuring that he would bring her some dinner on a tray later. This wasn’t Jake’s fault and losing her temper with him only made her feel even worse than she already did.
Leigh checked her phone for what must be the dozenth time today, but there was still nothing from Morgan, not that she’d held out high hopes to begin with.
Jake was right, though. She needed to pull herself together. Leigh had chosen this life—a life of safety without love. Now, she had to live with the consequences. Though it was the last thing she wanted to do, she dragged herself out of bed. She couldn’t keep spending every day in bed.
Walking around the garden tired her far more than it should have given how little time she actually spent moving versus sitting on various benches, but Leigh had to admit that the fresh air did lift her spirits somewhat.
When she got back inside, she opened up her neglected email and wearily started going through messages. There were a lot of them and answering them was the last thing Leigh felt like doing, but she had to dosomething. She needed to get her life back on track.
The rest of her life without Morgan stretched long and empty before her. It wasn’t an appealing picture, but it was the picture she had chosen.
Even if she changed her mind now and decided to risk being disowned and not being able to support herself, it was too late. Morgan probably hated her by now, or at the very least looked down on her for her cowardice.
Morgan was brave and always fought for what she believed in. How could she ever love someone like Leigh, who spent her whole life running from the truth, hiding who she was simply because it was the safer option?
Tears started tracking down her cheeks, but this was such a common occurrence nowadays that Leigh barely even noticed. She kept responding to emails, even agreeing to go to a couple of upcoming events.
Maybe getting out of the house would help get her out of her funk. She didn’t want to have to see a doctor, but if she didn’t manage to pull herself out of this, she might have to. Leigh groaned and rested her head in her hands.
When did the simple task of living become so difficult?
That was an easy question to answer. Ever since Morgan had left, the color had been leached out of life, leaving behind nothing but pain and struggle.
It was what Leigh had to work with, though, so she would just have to deal with it. The wound of Morgan’s absence may never heal, but she had to keep going with her life. She couldn’t just give up. That’s certainly not what Morgan would do, so it’s not what Leigh was going to do either.
She could only hope that one day, it would come to hurt less.
11
Morgan
Morgan existed. To say she lived would be overstating things. Without Leigh, life didn’t feel like life anymore. It was just a dreary existence that dragged on and on and on.
She had taken some leave. Thankfully, she had some built up, having never felt the need to be on leave before now. Every morning, she dragged herself out of bed and to the gym to train. She needed to keep her skills and fitness up.
Once she was done with training, she retired to the couch and spent the rest of the day watching sitcoms and crying, more often than not with a big tub of ice cream. By the time evening came, her eyes were sore and puffy, so much that Morgan had invested in special eye drops that the concerned pharmacist had recommended when she had described the problem.
Then, the next day started, and it all began again. Morgan dwelled endlessly on her time with Leigh. It felt like a bright spot in her life, and now that that brightness was gone, everything else was pale by comparison.
She had found the love of her life, only to lose her. Morgan knew it was for the best that they had mutually agreed to break up, but some small part of her had been hoping that Leigh would ask her to stay.
If Leigh had asked it of her, Morgan wasn’t sure she could have refused. She could never deny Leigh anything.
But Leigh hadn’t asked to her stay, so Morgan had left. Now, it was too late. Leigh had probably moved on by now. Her and Jake’s wedding date was drawing ever closer. Soon, they would be bound forever. Leigh would probably take secret lovers, of course.
