AllFreeNovel
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It’s not that I don’t want him. I do, more than I’ve ever wanted anyone or anything. Coming from a girl who could hold everything she owned growing up in a single trash bag, who prayed and wished upon every star she could find for a family who loved her, that’s huge. I know this, which is why I need to put an end to this.
I can’t let myself get any closer.
I can’t let him get any closer.
If I have to leave Willow River, both of our hearts will be broken, and while I’m used to mine being crushed, the thought of doing that to him causes bile to rise up in my throat. He deserves better. His family deserves better.
“Thank you. It looks great.” Grabbing the plate that’s next to his, I walk to the other side of the table and sit down. He raises his eyebrows but doesn’t comment on my obvious move to put space between us.
“I thought maybe you could drop me off at Declan’s to get my truck when we go to the store. I can run home and shower and be back here in time to help you bring it all in and put it away. If we leave right after we eat, we should be back in time for you to get your laundry done and head to my parents’ around four.”
I set my fork down, take a drink of my water, and force my eyes to meet his. “I’m not going to your parents’ with you, Rushton.”
“Why?” He looks confused.
“Last night… we were pretending. Remember? That’s what we agreed to.”
“I wasn’t pretending.” I can hear the simmering anger and disappointment in his tone.
“We said that we would pretend. For one night, we would pretend.”
“That’s how it started. You said you wanted to pretend to be mine. You wanted me to hold you and kiss you, and— Fuck!” He pushes back from the table and runs his hands through his hair. He paces back and forth a few times before he stops, grips the back of the chair, and sets his blue gaze on me. “Fuck that, Crosby. I wasn’t pretending. Not for one single fucking second. Do you really believe that? That I could fake what you do to me. That I could fake the way you make me feel? Do you really think it’s possible for me to pretend that I don’t have feelings for you when my cock was buried inside you?”
He pauses, his gaze penetrating. I want to look away, but I can’t seem to make myself do it. “No! That’s the answer you’re looking for, gorgeous. No. I couldn’t pretend and wouldn’t. Not with you. Never with you.” He moves to my side of the table and kneels. His hand rests on my thigh, and the heat of his palm burns through my leggings. “We can do this, Crosby. One day at a time. I’m not asking you to marry me. Just give me a chance to show you.”
Hot tears prick my eyes. If he only knew how badly I want to fall into his arms and just take the chance. “You knew,” I remind him. I clear my throat. “We said we would pretend. You know why I can’t do this.” I point at his chest and back at my own. “You know why.”
His eyes soften. “I know, baby. I know you’re scared, but we can figure it out. There is no way in hell they won’t renew your contract. You’re incredible with your students, and if they don’t, we’ll figure it out. Together.”
“That’s not how my life works, Rushton.”
“Rush,” he says through gritted teeth. “I’m Rush to you.”
“I could never intentionally break both our hearts like that. I could never ask you to leave your family. Open your eyes, Rush.” I put emphasis on his name. “Do you not see what’s surrounding you? You have this big, loud, loving family who would do anything for you. I don’t have that. I have me.” My hand slaps at my chest as the first tear slides across my cheek. “I have me. I had to learn the hard way that I’m the only one who will have my best interests at heart. I told you if I stay, if they renew my contract, then we could revisit this.”
“That was before you let me make love to you.”
I scoff. “We fucked, Rushton.” I glare at him, daring him to bitch about me using his full name and to debate what happened between us last night.
“You’re right. We fucked.” He stands and leans over, bringing his face a breath away from mine. “News flash, sweetheart, if my cock is inside of you, I’m making love to you. It might be hard and dirty, or it might be soft and slow. It doesn’t matter how it’s packaged. If I’m inside of you, I’m loving you.”
