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I jumped off the exam table and wandered over to the chair opposite Taylor. “Okay, so all I need is some rest and relaxation to beat this cold.”
Doctor Perez sat down on his desk and pulled his chair closer. He flipped open the file in front of him and skimmed the contents. “Ms. Booth, you don’t have a flu. You’re pregnant.”
“I…what?”
My ears began to ring, and bile rose in the back of my throat. Doctor Perez glanced up at me and linked his fingers together. “It says here you’re a few weeks pregnant.”
I shook my head. “No, I can’t be…I’m not…”
Taylor’s hand reached out, and she laced her fingers through mine. “Okay, okay. Breathe, Rachel. I’m here. Doctor, how do we stop the morning sickness?”
I watched Doctor Perez’s mouth, but I couldn’t make out anything he was saying. Instead, I kept hearing the ringing in my ears, and spots began to dance in my field of vision. When Doctor Perez stopped talking, Taylor drew me to my feet and shook his hand. I gave him a blank look as I stumbled out after Taylor. She didn’t let go of my hand as she hailed a cab and pushed me in.
I couldn’t have this baby.
I wouldn’t.
Not if it meant bringing them into a world where they’d only have me as a family.
Having grown up without a family of my own, the last thing I wanted was to subject someone else to that.
In the apartment, she led me to the couch and took a seat opposite me. “You haven’t said a word. Are you okay?”
“I can’t have a baby,” I whispered, mostly to myself. “I don’t even have a family. How am I going to take care of the baby alone?”
“You’re not going to be alone. I can—”
I shook my head and stood up. “I have to get an abortion.”
“Why don’t you sleep on it? Let’s see how you feel about it tomorrow.”
The next morning, Taylor took one look at my face and rode with me to the hospital. In the waiting room, I bounced my knees up and down and clenched and unclenched my hands. A woman came in, holding a little girl’s hand, and something in my stomach dipped.
What was I doing?
Was I really making this decision based on fear?
On my own miserable experiences without a family?
I’d still been lucky with the orphanage director, who still called me every week to check in, and I had Taylor. While I couldn’t imagine bringing a baby into the world under these circumstances, as I sat there looking at the mother with her little girl, I found myself wondering.
My baby wasn’t going to be alone.
She had me, and she had Taylor.
And I wanted it to be enough.
For the first time since finding out, I was beginning to wonder if it could be.
“You can come and stay with me in LA,” Taylor murmured, her eyes darting back and forth between the child and me. “You won’t be alone. I have room at my house, remember?”
I couldn’t stop staring at the child with her mother.
When the receptionist called out my name, I couldn’t make my feet move.
Nor could I stop picturing my own baby, staring at me with loving, trusting eyes.
Was this my chance to have a family of my own?
