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You know why. You don’t want to leave her. Ever.
Could you blame him? Her shower was magnificent, and she had puppies to cuddle. No one would want to leave.
You’re fucking fooling yourself if you don’t realize the only reason you want to stay is because you’re in love with Savina.
Guilt and a heavy dose of sorrow made him droop against the counter. It should have been Alan here with Savina, not him. He didn’t deserve this. He didn’t deserve her, and he never would. Not after how he’d felt or the shit he’d thought.
“Hal?” Savina’s cool hands cupped his face. “Honey, are you okay?”
“Fine,” he said hoarsely. “It’s getting late. I’d better go.”
“I’d like you to stay the night,” she said, and the vulnerability in her voice stopped his protest before it even formed.
“Are you sure?” he rasped.
She nodded, her thumbs brushing over his cheekbones. “If you’re comfortable with that.”
He nodded, and she pressed a gentle kiss against his mouth before stepping back. Savina let Izzie into the backyard before putting her in the dining room with the babies and closing the door.
He took her hand, and she linked their fingers together as they climbed the stairs to her room. He hesitated when he saw the bed, and her voice soft, Savina said, “It’s a new bed. I bought it three months ago, but I’ll understand if you don’t want to sleep in here. We can sleep in the guest room if you prefer.”
“I’m good with it but are you sure you are?” he asked.
She nodded, turning on the bedside lamp and studying the room. “I loved this room when it was mine and Alan’s, but I’ve made a lot of changes since he died. New flooring, new paint,” she brushed her hand over the bed, “a new bed with all new bedding. It feels like just my room now, and I think that’s how it should be.”
She stepped closer to him, her face a soft shadow in the dim light. “While I will always love Alan, he’s gone, and he isn’t coming back. He'd approve of me working through my grief by donating most of his stuff, changing things at the house, and being with you. He wouldn’t want me to wallow in the grief, just like Mary wouldn’t want you to, either.”
“I know,” he said, but the guilt still crept around his edges, poking and prodding and making his skin feel too thin and jagged.
She cupped his face, staring intently at him. “Do you?”
“Yes,” he said.
She continued to study him until growing uncomfortable by what he suspected was her ability to tell when he was bullshitting her, he stepped back and said, “Do you have an extra toothbrush I can use?”
“Yes,” she said, her face still hidden in the shadows.
They went into the bathroom, and she found him a new toothbrush. They stood at the double vanity. Hal brushed his teeth as Savina did the same before smoothing on some cream on her face and a clear liquid that she told him was ‘magic in a bottle’. There was a weird type of comfort in sharing the before bedtime routine with Savina that he tried not to read too much into. As amazing as this was, it wouldn’t work out long term with her. His guilt would never allow it.
Then get your ass back to therapy and work through the guilt!
“Hal? Do you prefer the left or right side?” Savina called from the bedroom.
He joined her by the bed. “I usually sleep on the right, but I can switch it up.”
“I sleep on the left,” she said with a small smile. She pulled back the quilt and sheet, and Hal took off his robe before they slid into the bed. The coolness of the sheets gave him goosebumps.
Savina plugged in her phone, set her alarm, and shut the light off before snuggling close to him. “I love my house, but I hate how cold this room gets in the winter.”
He wrapped his arms around her, staring at how her silky hair draped across his skin as she rested her cheek on his chest. He rubbed her back, listening to the house creak and groan as it settled for the night, and the sound of Savina’s soft and even breathing.
He’d assumed Savina invited him to spend the night only because she wanted sex again. But while she brushed her hand up and down his ribcage, it conveyed comfort more than need.
Unexpected warmth rushed through him. Not that he expected Savina to feel anything for him more than lust, but lying here in Savina’s bed with her soft warmth pressed up against him repaired the cracks in his heart in a way he’d never thought possible.
Tomorrow they would return to being friends, and he’d never have this with her again, but tonight… tonight, he would enjoy every moment.
CHAPTER13
