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I hate even more that I’m fucking in love.
Chapter Nine
Friday, May 27
Kiera
All day, I’ve been working up the nerve to call Jonathan. I don’t want to start a confrontation, but it’s important that we preserve our working relationship. I’m worried I’m the only one who feels that way.
On Monday, I asked him if we could meet during lunch to talk, but he claimed he was busy, despite the fact he had nothing on his calendar. Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday were all repeats. Every time I tried to grab a few minutes of his time to clear the air, I either just missed him or he claimed he was too busy. What’s going on?
He could be avoiding you.
But why? A familiar, sad fear starts creeping in. Since he’s had me twice, should I be taking the hint that he wants nothing more to do with me?
Maybe…but it doesn’t make sense. Both times we had sex, it was amazing. Not just the pleasure, but the sense of togetherness. We were like one.
The first time I convinced myself it was a fluke, that I was so in the moment and wrapped up in the things he made me feel, that the emotion was all in my head. The second time made me feel more of the same, only stronger. What we shared was not only passionate and intense but loving. Since then, I’ve wondered whether we merely had sex…or if we’re both actually experiencing something more.
No, I have to be overthinking it. I must have read the moment wrong, like I always do. That’s the reason I left so abruptly. I wasn’t supposed to spend the night with Jonathan, let alone get emotionally attached.
With the workday behind me and the sun setting, I plop onto my bed, give a meowing Sriracha an absent pet, and try to figure out my next move. Jalapeño curls up against my ankles like he’s trying to comfort me. I want answers—to understand if or why Jonathan is avoiding me—but I’m afraid of creating conflict between us.
Mustering the courage to pick up my phone, I scroll until I find his contact info and tap his number, then lift the phone to my ear. Will he pick up? How should I start this conversation?
I hear a click from the other line. Too late to turn back now…
“What?” Jonathan snaps.
Umm…
That’s a response I didn’t expect. And the background noise that nearly swallows his bark tells me he’s at a bar.
I’m still deciding how I ask if we can talk when I hear a loud feminine voice terribly close to the phone. “Jonathan, baby, don’t leave. Aren’t you going to take me to your place?”
My heart seizes, then plummets. I turn cold all over. He’s already with another woman?
Of course, he is.
I shouldn’t be surprised. He said his habits wouldn’t change despite our agreement. Even so, it’s further confirmation of what I had feared. Whatever I thought might be burgeoning between us was all in my head.
“Give me just a minute.”
Is he saying that to me or the other woman? I sit, frozen. Tears threaten to fall down my face. Maybe I should give up and end the call.
But I don’t. Long moments pass. The sound of my hollowly thudding heart echoes between my ears as the background music and laugher slowly fade.
“Is everything all right?” he asks finally.
“Clearly, I-I caught you at a bad time. It’s not important. We can talk later.”
“No, you called. What’s on your mind?”
“Really, I don’t want to take your night away from you—”
“I insist.” It sounds more like a demand.
This may be a major mistake, but if he’s willing to hear me out, I should take it. I may not get another chance. “O-okay. I wanted to talk about last Saturday night.”
