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“And I respect that. You seem to have forgotten, though, what else you told me about your mom and dad.”
“And what is that?”
“They sinned with their eyes by the way they looked at each other while your dad was still married to his first wife. That came straight out of your dad’s mouth, according to you, and to me, it sounds like his first marriage was nothing more than piece of paper. The same as mine.”
Zac was standing in front of me now, looking down at me sitting on the couch and I didn’t know what else to say to him.
“Are you ashamed of us, Stevie?” he asked.
“No. It’s just…my dad.”
“What are you afraid of?”
“Disappointing him.”
“Don’t you think I was afraid of disappointing my parents when I told them about us? They had me in church every Sunday when I was growing up.”
I looked down at the floor.
“Stevie? Stevie?”
“What?” I asked, staring up at Zac again.
“Here’s what I’m gonna do about this situation between you and your dad. I’m leaving it where it is. I won’t bring it up again. But you need to realize there’s gonna come a day when you’re gonna have to tell your pastor dad about our relationship and when you finally do tell him, I think it’s gonna feel so good to stand in your truth. Not only about who you are now at this stage in your life but also about who we are as a couple. I say that from my own experience.”
43
#home
Zac
STEVIE AND Ihad a good flight back to Dallas and it had nothing to do with the flight itself. Our plane actually ran into quite a bit of turbulence not long after we left Destin, but as far as my tattooed mermaid and I were concerned—we were great. Despite the turbulence and what we both knew was waiting for me when I got back home, we were still connected in every way. We held hands and never stopped talking. We laughed, too, while reliving several of the memories we’d made in paradise.
After driving us back to Stevie’s house from the D.F.W. airport, I decided to stay for a little while. I wouldn’t be picking up Malcolm from my parents until tomorrow morning—Sunday—so I was in no rush to go home. When I got ready to leave Stevie’s, though, I was full of dread—but then I had a realization come to me: I didn’t have to go anywhere. Because I’d become so programmed from being married to Avery all these years, I automatically felt like I needed to go home to keep an eye on everything, but I didn’t need to do that anymore. I didn’t have to. Avery could burn down my fucking house. It didn’t matter to me.
When I told Stevie that I was spending the night with her, the look on her face was priceless. She smiled that beautiful smileof hers and then jumped into my arms. We left not long after that to get some Tex-Mex from a nearby taqueria. After eating at one of the picnic tables out front, we rode around the outskirts of Dallas while streaming Stevie’s music playlist through my Blazer’s speakers.
As we were listening to some of the first songs, I began to realize how deeply traumatic it had been for Stevie to lose her son. When she saw me choking back my tears, she switched to playing all the songs that she’d begun adding to her playlist on the day we met. One that I wasn’t familiar with was “Deep Water” by Haley Reinhart.
While listening, I smiled over at Stevie at least a dozen times, mentally capturing the moments of her swaying back and forth in my passenger seat with her hands in the air like she was praising God. She also sang along with the lyrics of the song and I was blown away by how well she harmonized with the singer. She could’ve sung “Deep Water” all by herself.
After it ended, I commented on the illicit romantic relationship versus religious dogma scenario described in the song. Stevie told me that was why she loved the song so much. She related to it because of her initial back-and-forth struggle about becoming romantically involved with me. She also said the song came full circle for her after she and I had sex for the first time. She knew she was in deep water with me.
“I’m so happy you were able to spend last night with me,” Stevie said. We were standing next to my Blazer in her garage and I hugged her to me even tighter.
“Me too. It did me a world of good. I’m ready to take on whatever Avery decides to dish out today.”
“Hopefully, she won’t dish out anything.”
“Yeah, hopefully. If she does, though, I’ll handle it—even if it means calling the police.”
“Zac, I’m so sorry that you even have to think like that.”
“It’s just how it is, but being with you makes it easier for me to deal with all the nonsense. You are the spark that keeps me going.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too, babe.”
