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“It’s not over, Ford, is all I’m saying. Look, you’ve been good to me and I think we’re becoming actual friends, and as a friend, I’m telling you that my daughter still cares about you. Hell, I think she loves you.”
“Stop.” Hope blossoms in my chest. Horrible, nasty, god-awful hope.
I thought this would get easier. I thought time would give me space to heal. But the jagged edges of my heart haven’t even begun to knit back together, even after three months of this. I’m still living in that apartment, still existing in the middle of all her stuff. I’m still ex-communicated from my family.
And this is going to kill me.
I don’t think I can take it again.
More failure, more pain.
But god, Katherine is worth it.
“Go talk to her. I know she told you not to, but do it anyway.” She checks her watch. “If you head to the parking lot in a few minutes, you might just get your chance.”
“What did you do?”
“Might’ve scheduled two visits back-to-back.” She takes another drag and grins at me. “Might’ve made sure those two visitors run into each other.”
“Jackie.”
“Katherine wants to see you, Ford. She’s practically dying for it. And I know you haven’t given up on her.”
“I’ve been trying to respect her wishes.”
“Forget about her wishes, she was just hurting.” Jackie leans forward. “Did you know that her grandfather told her to spy on you, too? She refused to do it, but still. She knows what you gave up for her. She understands the hell you went through, turning your back on your family the way you did. Don’t give up on her.”
I stare at the older woman and try to make sense of all this. Months of hearing nothing, months of not talking about Katherine, of talking circles around the topic, of pretending like her daughter doesn’t exist, and now suddenly she’s telling me that Katherine still wants me.
That she stilllovesme.
It’s enough to kill me.
But I don’t think Jackie would be saying all this if it weren’t true.
“When will she be here?” I ask.
“A few minutes.”
“You’re a real monster, you know that?”
“Ah, kid, I’ve been around a long time, I know how these things go and I know my daughter. She’s going to be absolutely miserable until she admits that she still loves you.”
“You really think this is a good idea? After what I did?”
“Let me ask you something. Did you spy? Did you give your family anything?”
“No,” I say.
“Then there you go. You have all the chances in the world and every reason to do it, but you never did.”
“I made up my mind that day. I decided I wanted to be with Katherine and I didn’t care if it meant losing out on my family. I was going to tell her the truth, but Grandfather beat me to it.”
“It’s always the way of things. You have to travel the hardest path sometimes just to make the ending worth it.”
I push my chair back and stand up. “You’re a decent person, Jackie.”
“I’m definitely not. I’ve done some terrible things in my life.”
