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But for years and years that woman’s terrorized me and I turn into my teenage self every time she uses that stupid nickname like it has the power to hypnotize me and take away all the strength and self-worth I’ve worked so hard to build up over the years.
Maybe spanking me and getting me off in a bathroom isn’texactlythe best way to teach me self-worth—
But it definitely was unique, I’ll give him that.
Chapter 20
Ford
Another week passes. Time moves in fits and jumps. It stretches forever when we’re together and condenses during those ugly daytime hours when we’re apart. When Kat and I first started sleeping together, we’d wait until it got dark and we were both in bed before we would finally give in to our near-constant need. It became almost a ritual—pretend like things were normal, like we weren’t going to have filthy and sweaty sex for half the night, until the lights turn out and suddenly she’s gagging on my cock and I’m sucking her clit and making her scream my name.
But eventually I stopped playing the game.
It got to the point where I couldn’t wait anymore. I’d come home to find her in the kitchen and I’d have her there, sucking my cock, choking on it, bent over the counter and taking her from behind, or riding me in the living room nice and slow and edging her closer and closer until she explodes or finding her painting a guest room and holding her down on the floor and licking her pussy from behind before dominating her into orgasm.
The sun keeps rising. The world keeps spinning. Everyone outside our apartment acts as though nothing’s changed.
But I feel like the earth split open and swallowed me, and I’m still falling, falling, falling, and I doubt I’ll ever stop.
Days pass. Carmine invites me out one night and I figure I should show my face so they don’t think I’ve died. I meet him and his wife, Brice, at the Oak, and we sit at the bar with drinks at our elbows. They’re talking about baby names and cribs and diapers and shit like that while I sip my whiskey and think about Kat and the gorgeous way she swallowed my cum an hour ago—
“Ford, you look like you’re having just the best time possible,” Brice says, grinning at me. “Care to offer some thoughts on what color we should paint the nursery?”
“Gray,” I say.
Carmine laughs. “You love gray, don’t you?”
“Simple. Neutral. What’s not to love?”
“I was thinking more like a light blue,” Brice says gently and sighs. “All right, I get it, you don’t love the baby talk.”
“No, it’s fine, I get that you two are at that point in your lives. Don’t let me stand in the way.”
“Maybe we could, you know, talk about other stuff for once,” Carmine suggests and his eyebrows raise. “Like Ford’s fiancée?”
“Wonderful topic suggestion, Carmine,” Brice says with a happy nod. “How are things at home?”
I take a moment to consider that.
I can’t exactly tell them that I’ve been having some of the filthiest, most satisfying sex of my life for the past week—we’re close but I’m notthatclose with anyone. But it’s also a deeper question than I realized.
The sex is great. The sex is amazing.
But what about everything else?
“We’re decorating,” I say finally as the silence gets to the point of going on too long.
“Decorating,” Carmine echoes and gives Brice a look. “Do you hear what I hear?”
“I hear a man deeply in denial about his feelings,” Brice says with a nod.
“I am not—”
“Deeply,” Carmine agrees.
I wave a hand at my friends. “It’sbusiness. She needs me to take care of her mother when her shitty family inevitably kicks her out, that’s all.”
“But what are you getting out of this situation, Ford?” Carmine leans closer to me, head cocked to the side, not smiling now.
