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“Sorry.” I shut off the lights but turned on a single one in the shower. A yellow stream lit up the left side of the room.
I dropped the toilet seat and backed Ryan toward it. “Sit.”
He sat and I positioned his face closer to the light. “Hold still.”
I gently used my fingers to pry his eyelid open. Emerald green webbed with a light brown stared back at me. I blinked to refocus. Then I noticed the angry red lines shooting out of his iris.
Opening the top drawer, I grabbed a small green bottle of eye drops.
“This should help.” I held up the bottle to his face so he could check. “They’re just moisturizing drops. I use them all the time.”
He nodded and widened his legs so I could stand between them. I hesitated for a moment before stepping forward. I pulled down the lower lid of his right eye and squeezed a drop inside. Then did the same to his left eye.
“There,” I whispered. I stood over his face, watching him with his eyes closed. Water trickled down the side of his face, down his temples to the dark edges of his hairline.
I used both my thumbs to wipe the wet trail away. Before I could pull back, though, he raised his arms and held my hands on either side of his face. I burrowed my fingers through his hair and cradled the back of his head. His eyes remained closed and I felt a vibration run through my fingers as he hummed in pleasure.
Then he opened his eyes.
The intensity of his stare held me in place. As though an invisible rope tied me to him, rendering my limbs immovable.
My mind went blank. I couldn’t think. If I could form a thought, it should be to step back. Run away. But I couldn’t. So, I lowered my head to his instead.
Pressing my lips softly onto his, my eyes fluttered closed. I didn’t move, didn’t breathe until his lips parted slowly and he sucked in a breath, taking the air in my lungs with his own.
His hands ran down my arms, along my back, until he cupped my cheeks. Pressing my lips firmly against his, I deepened the kiss, opening my mouth wider.
The moment felt dizzying, as though someone had removed a blindfold after spinning me around.
I swayed, but his lips were my anchor.
His hands gripped my backside and pulled off the panties from underneath my dress. Then he lifted me a few inches from the ground. Gasping in surprise, my eyes flew open and I stared at him.
I’d kissed men before, but this felt different. This wasn’t about sex. It was about longing. I’d missed Ryan and I wanted to press my body close to his right now. Feel him touch me, hold me close.
As my heart raced and my breathing hitched, I wondered if it was from excitement? Or was it a warning that this would be dangerous?
I could forget who I was.
He pulled me toward him and sat me down on his lap, straddling him.
He watched me for a second, reading my face. I had no idea what he saw, but it must have been lust. Pure, unfiltered desire. I’d never wanted anyone more.
He tilted his head, and with both hands now free, brought my face back to his.
Yes!
I kissed him as if I’d never kissed anyone else before. As though I never wanted this moment to stop. I didn’t need air, only his breath to survive.
And maybe I did. Because when he kissed me, he breathed life into me, spurring me on and on. My body moved over his, riding the hard ridge that formed underneath his black pants.
Rubbing myself over him shamelessly, I rode him harder, until I gasped from the pleasure it sparked in me.
My hand held onto the countertop beside me, but it slipped and knocked over a bottle of mouthwash. The loud crash woke me from this ridiculous stupor and my eyes focused again. I saw myself sitting on Ryan’s lap, in my tiny bathroom, on a fucking toilet seat.
I remembered who I was. How people always left me behind. That this would inevitably end before it even got started.
“You have to go,” I said, detangling myself from him and trying to balance in the tiny space between the counter and the bathtub.
