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“Well, if that’s what you came to do. I guess you’ll be leaving now.” I knew it sounded like I wanted him to stay. But I couldn’t take the words back.
“I planned to come alone tonight, but then a meeting I couldn’t back out of came up and so this was the only way I could make it happen.”
“Make what happen?”
“We need to talk, Laura.”
“I know. You keep saying that, but it’s all right. We really don’t. I get it, Ryan. You don’t have to say anything else.”
He tilted his head. “What don’t I have to say?”
“Really? You’re going to make me say it?”
“Um… yeah. Because I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“I get it. I have a past. My father fucking stole a baseball that’s probably worth half a million dollars or more. I went to jail. Should I keep going?”
“Please.”
Placing a hand on my hip, I found my strength. “Fine. I’m not the right girl for you, Ryan. There. I said it. Now you can go home. No need to say anything else. Goodbye.” I pushed past him, but he grabbed my wrist.
I stared at his tight grip.
His voice was low. “All those things are true. Well, except for the ‘I’m not the right girl’ part.” He let go of my wrist and rubbed his face. “I wasn’t angry with you about any of that stuff, Laura. I was angry because I thought you were trying to fool me. I thought you had this all planned out. Maybe you were in on it and—”
“What? How could you think that?”
“Past experiences, I guess.”
I thought of his aunt and some of my anger deflated. I understood how past experiences could shape your current decisions.
“And mostly I was hurt that you didn’t tell me about applying to graduate school. I know it’s silly—”
“Wait, what? How did you know about that?”
“Giancarlo Rossi.”
“How did he know?”
He shrugged his shoulders. “I have no idea, but I assume he has his ways as I have mine.” His face soured after pointing out their similarities. Then he looked at me and his shoulders slumped. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
I closed my eyes. “I don’t… I don’t know. I’m not one to share things about myself. I don’t have anyone to share things with, really.”
“You had me.”
I had him.
That one stung.
“Yes. But what if I applied and didn’t get in? I would be so disappointed. I have this dream of setting up a proper halfway house for kids like me and Sam. Those who have no one to come home to because their parents are in prison or on drugs. I would be such a disappointment. You’re this rich, successful tycoon and I’m a bartender with a criminal past and unstable parents.” I laughed. “God, it sounds so much worse when I say it out loud.”
“But do you feel better saying it out loud?”
Fuck. I did.
“Look, I get it. I really do,” he said, putting his hands on my shoulders. “There’s stuff in my past I don’t like to talk about either. But if we’re going to make this work between us we have to try. At least the things we are currently going through.”
He rubbed my arms. “I don’t want to hear from someone else that my girlfriend is applying to graduate school. I want to be there for you. For the good and the bad.”
