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“It’s not your fault, Lorna,” said my mother. “Don’t let my daughter’s shocked face scare you.” She was in bed and the bed sheet covered her frail body.
I shook my head and tried to fix my face. “Mom, what did you do?”
“I was just trying to go to the bathroom. Is that a crime?”
I closed my eyes to maintain my composure because I wanted to scream. “No, of course not,” I said instead. “But you know you’re supposed to call Lorna whenever you want to get out of bed. You’re too weak to make it on your own.”
My mother’s smile disappeared and her jaw clenched. “I’m not weak,” she said. “It was just an accident and you are overreacting.”
I sighed. She was as stubborn as I was. “Fine, Mom. Let me just get you some pain meds and I’ll be right back.”
I wanted her to stop denying what was going on. She was sick and needed a kidney transplant to get better.
I slammed the kitchen cabinet and winced, knowing my mother had probably heard it. Oh well. I didn’t care anymore if she heard how upset I was. I was mad. It wasn’t fair. We never got a break. Ever.
My mother raised me as a single parent. I had to work twice as hard as any other kid to stay in my private high school and maintain my scholarship. Then, in my senior year of college, after the doctors broke the news to us that the cheaper drugs weren’t working anymore, I realized I had to land a job at the biggest accounting firm in the city to pay for her medical bills. And now the new meds seemed to no longer be working.
I would scream until my throat hurt if I thought, this time, it would do any good.
Instead, I laid my head on the kitchen table and let the cold surface cool down my nerves. I had to stay positive. I worked at Delmar & Tuch. I was up for the senior audit manager position and would make enough money to pay for better meds and a transplant for my mother one day.
Pep talk over, I stood from the table and walked over to the bedroom. “Here you go, Mom.” I handed her the pills, then a glass of water by her bedside.
“Thank you, honey,” she said after taking a sip of the water. “How was the party?”
I smiled weakly. “It was great. Lots of fun.”
Her smile turned up on the side and she shook her head. “You can’t fool me, Grace. You had a terrible time. Didn’t you?”
“It wasn’t terrible.”
“Did you meet anyone?”
“No, Mom.” She was constantly trying to set me up on a date. Anytime I didn’t make plans on the weekend, her forehead would crease and she would give me these sad, puppy dog eyes. I knew she worried about me, but I had too much to deal with right now to think about dating.
“What about Omar? He’s a fine young gentleman,” she said, her eyes brightening.
“He’s not interested in me, Mom. Our tastes are too similar.”
She frowned. “Well, it’s still early. Get back to that party and have some fun. You can’t stay home with your mother.”
“It’s fine. I have work to do, anyway. You saved me from a terrible hangover.”
“Oh, sweetie. Just one time, I wish you would know what a hangover feels like.” She shook her head, as though upset that I wasn’t a bigger disappointment to her as a teenager. I snorted at the displeasure on her face.
“Good night, Mom.” I switched off her bedside lamp.
“Good night, honey.” She closed her eyes and her head fell to the side of her pillow.
Lorna followed me out of the room. “Thank you, Lorna,” I said. Hiring her was the best decision I’d made in a long time. I couldn’t work knowing my mom would be home alone. “See you on Monday?”
“See you then.” She grabbed her purse from the coat rack. “Your mom’s right, you know. You should try to work less. I’d be happy to stay with your mom tomorrow night so you can go out. You deserve it, Grace.”
“Thanks, Lorna. But I don’t really have any place to go.”
Her eyes looked sad, but I was fine with it. Sitting at home with a good book, a gallon of ice cream, and a warm espresso was exactly the way I wanted to spend my Saturday night.
After locking the door behind Lorna, I checked on my mom. Her body slumped to the side and she snored softly. Tucking the blanket around her shoulders, I couldn’t help but notice how much smaller she had become in the last few months. Time was running out.
