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I nodded and followed him to his car. We didn’t exchange another word, not even when the tears came. Closing my eyes, I let the terror drain from my body and spill from my eyes.
Finally, when we neared the station, he ventured. “Who did this to you?” he asked.
My throat clogged up and I could barely swallow. I wanted to tell him, but the name would not come out. It was as though I couldn’t sully his car with that filth.
“Was it your piece-of-shit ex?”
I smiled faintly because his words were exactly my sentiments.
Then, gripping the steering wheel, he whispered, “I’m going to fucking kill him.”
His words should have disgusted me, or at the very least frightened me, but they didn’t. They validated my own sentiments and normalized them. I hated Chris and I wanted to hurt him the way he had hurt me. If that made me a bad person, then I was tired of being good.
“I spent five years doubting myself, thinking I couldn’t make it on my own in this world. Then, when I left, I hid behind my thoughts and my insecurities. I gave him five years. After today, I’m not wasting another five minutes on him.”
“He didn’t deserve you. That’s why he made you feel less than because he could never rise to your level.” He quickly turned to me before looking back at the road. “Never think otherwise.”
Dr. Lee said I should face my fears. She probably hadn’t imagined this, but after living through my worst nightmare and surviving it, a part of me finally started to believe that I was strong enough to deal with whatever came next.
Colton held my hand while the police took my statement. Whenever it trembled, he would caress my skin with his thumb until I was calm. I pressed charges that night and knew there would be a battle up ahead, but I was ready for it this time.
Climbing into Colton’s car, I dropped my head back on the headrest. “Can I come to your place?” I asked. “I don’t want to be alone in my house tonight. I won’t get any sleep thinking about what happened.”
“Sweetheart, I didn’t know how to ask you that myself.” He placed his hand on my knee and squeezed.
I turned toward the window and watched the light from the streetlamps dance. “I want you to hold me until the sun comes up,” I whispered.
He cursed softly under his breath. “Then I’ll stop the sun from rising.”
And just like that, I smiled through the darkness.
***
The full moon guided the concrete path leading to his front door. I kicked off my shoes this time when I entered, but before I could take another step, Colton swept me off my feet. Wrapping my arms around his neck and laying my head on his chest, I allowed him to carry me upstairs.
He set me down on white porcelain floors in what had to be the largest bathroom I’d ever seen. Walking toward a clawfoot tub with brass knobs, he turned on the water. I had considered taking a shower on the way here, but a bath now sounded much better.
“I’ll give you a few minutes,” he said as he tried to walk past me. I stopped him with a hand on his bicep.
“Stay,” I said.
He watched me, waited for me to change my mind, perhaps. But I unbuttoned my blouse instead. His eyes followed my fingers as though I held them by a string. I let the blouse fall off my shoulders and unhooked my bra.
“Frances.” His voice was hoarse, probably from when he had shouted earlier.
When not a stitch of clothing was left on my body, I walked slowly to the tub. Turning my head to look over my shoulder, I asked, “Will you join me?”
He shook his head. “I don’t know what you’re asking of me.”
“I’m just asking you to hold me tonight, Colton.”
He nodded. “I can do that.”
The water engulfed my foot and the warmth ran up my leg. As I lay down in the tub, I watched Colton undress. Every time we had been together, it was dark and I could only think how badly I’d wanted him inside me. Now, I wanted to savor the moment and breathe in every part of him.
He tore off his white shirt first, his ridged abdomen clenching as he pulled his sleeves off his toned arms. The water sluiced over my thighs as I sank deeper into the tub. Then he unzipped his pants and dropped them to the floor. Despite his silence, it was now obvious how much he wanted me. “I’m sorry,” he said. “It has a mind of its own.”
I smiled. “It’s all right. I don’t mind.” I pushed myself back from the tub and let him climb in behind me. Laying back against his chest, I closed my eyes when he wrapped his arms around me. I exhaled deeply and let the water and Colton’s body cover me completely.
