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I shook my head. “How are you so sure?”
“He doesn’t seem the type to talk shit. You know what I mean?”
I shrugged because I thought I knew Colton but wasn’t so sure anymore.
“That wasn’t Colton’s car that dropped you off.” It wasn’t a question, and I started to resent that our family room window faced the driveway.
“No. That was Paul.”
“Paul?”
“Paul Morgan. He’s the prospective partner’s son.” Playing with a pulled thread on my bed cover, I added. “He asked for my number.”
“Wow, wearing a new perfume or something?”
I chuckled. “Yeah, or something.”
“Maybe it’s the new confidence I’ve noticed in you. Guys notice that stuff, too.”
Keeping my head down, I gathered my thoughts. “Been thinking.” Unsure where I was going with this, but wanted to say it out loud to someone. “Maybe I should apply for another PA position.”
Marco leaned back in the chair and crossed his arms. “I think that’s a good idea.”
“You do?”
“Yep. It’s about time too.”
“You sound like Erika,” I groaned.
“Ah, another reason to like her.”
I chuckled. “Marco, you don’t have a prayer with her. You need to move on.”
“She’ll come around. You’ll see.”
“Come here.” I opened my arms, and Marco wrapped himself around me. “I remember when I could touch my shoulders whenever we hugged. Time is moving so fast. I wish I could stop it.”
“You don’t have to stop time, Frannie. Just start living.”
“Thanks, Marco.”
He slowly raised himself from the chair and moved away from the bed. “Now, I better get downstairs before Mom complains that I’ve missed the best parts with Mr. Collins.”
After Marco left, I pulled out my laptop and worked on my resume. I uploaded it onto a couple of recruiting sites and saved a few positions I thought I’d be qualified for to look at later. Although I told myself I’d made progress, my body disagreed. My heart raced and a cold sweat ran down my back. I felt it every time I did something that scared me.
Enough, Frances. This ends now. I cleared the search bar and typed in mental health help. I narrowed down the search to local centers and wrote down on a sticky note the number of a clinic near me.
I needed to talk to someone about my fears. I couldn’t deal with them alone anymore and I was tired of letting them run my life.
I needed help.
As I lay down on my bed, tears fell down my face. I let them run down my cheeks and trickle down to my jaw. They pooled behind my ears and I still didn’t wipe them. Thoughts rioted in my head, shouting at me, screaming for attention.
What if one of those companies calls me back? What if no one did? Then louder. Why did Colton lie to me? Why didn’t I tell him the truth sooner?
Whispering behind all the shouting was another voice. You can’t do this, Frances. Who do you think you are? But that was Chris’s voice. And I was done listening to him.
20
