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Glancing up at the clock, I realized it was nearly noon and time for lunch. I grabbed my knapsack and walked outside toward Katy’s Deli. Scanning the room, I didn’t see Erika, so I chose a table near the back. Although we met here for lunch nearly every day, I never ordered, instead brought my own sandwich to save money. I hoped she’d arrive any minute, otherwise, they’d probably kick me out soon.
A few minutes later, I spotted her yellow dress at the order desk and relaxed my shoulders. She hurried toward me.
“Ugh, I don’t have much time. My afternoon is packed with meetings and I have to be there to greet everyone.”
“That’s okay,” I said, taking a bite of my pastrami sandwich. “I have a busy afternoon, too.”
Erika watched me eat my sandwich with one eyebrow raised. “Really?”
“Yep,” I said, wiping my mouth with a napkin I’d brought from home.
“Frannie, when will you wake up and realize you’re too good for that job?”
She asked me this at least once a week, so I didn’t bother answering.
“You have a college degree in business,” she continued. “You can do a lot more with that than working with Clive.”
I nodded and took another bite of my sandwich. Erika already knew my story, but she insisted on giving me this speech all the time. “You know I can’t quit. I need this job.”
“I’m not telling you to quit right away, but to find something better.” She smiled and leaned back in her chair. “Why don’t you apply for the PA position?”
Horrified, I nearly choked on my lunch, coughing out a piece of bread. “Are you crazy?” I said. “I couldn’t work under Colton.” A smile played on my lips. “Well, maybe I could work under him.”
Erika cringed. “Whatever you see in that man, I’ve no idea. He’s such a jerk.”
“I can’t take that job,” I said more definitively.
“Why not? You’re more than qualified for it.”
Shaking my head, I took another bite. “I’ve no experience, so no chance of getting the position.”
“You used that excuse right out of college.”
“Well, it still applies now.”
Erika watched me and I stretched the collar of my sweater, her words tightening around my throat. Too humiliated to admit it scared me to want something badly and fail, I looked down at the menu instead.
“All right. I’ll let this go if you promise me you’ll look at the position my cousin has at the mall. You’d be a manager there, and the pay is better than the mailroom.”
The thought of meeting new people and interviewing for a new position sat like a piece of lead in my stomach. I knew we could use the money to get Marco into his graphic arts program, but we were doing just fine. We were getting by and could afford the first-semester payment thanks to his after-school job. There was no reason I should have to quit and find something new. “Thanks, Erika. I know you’re trying to help. But I’m comfortable in the mailroom. It suits me.”
She sighed. “I just know you are meant for more than this, that’s all.”
I glimpsed down at my white sneakers and black tights. I liked not having to dress up to go to work. I didn’t need anything more than what I had. A small voice inside me asked, do you want more? But I ignored it. The last time I wanted more, I’d been punished for it. So, I’d learned to be quiet and satisfied with what I had. The coping mechanism had worked for the past six years. Why would I want to change that?
It made me feel safe.
“Are you trying to get rid of me?” I teased, wanting to change the subject.
“Nah, you’re the best thing about Crawford Corp,” she laughed and took a bite of her veggie sandwich.
“You’re not so bad yourself,” I smiled back.
As we walked back to the office a little while later, a deep voice stopped us as soon as we entered the building.
“You’re late,” Colton said, walking past Erika toward the elevators. He held a briefcase in one hand and checked his watch with the other. He removed his jacket, and I could see the muscles on his back straining as he walked away from us.
“So are you, jackass,” she murmured when he was out of earshot. I couldn’t hold back my snort. Erika squeezed my hand, concerned Colton would hear me, but she didn’t have to worry. He just kept on walking.
